Loneliness

I was surfing the internet on a Tuesday afternoon when I got so bored and my examination had just been postponed base on some reasons by the school authority. I was so bored to the extent that I got tired of my phone and decided to go sit on the bench at my hostel’s veranda. I sat there listening to Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran. After a while, I felt the bench I sat on was a bit firm, then I opened my eyes to see who sat next to me, it turned out to be the new guy who had just moved into the hostel.
We exchanged pleasantries, and he chatted me up. Firstly we talked about school and then we got along. He told me he stays alone at home and I said ohh! You got your freedom. He then said “Freedom is the brother of loneliness” with a smile. That sentence went a long way inside of me.

One thing I ever wanted in life was freedom. The freedom to listen to my own voice, to live life my own way, make mistakes and learn from it, not wanting to be someone I don’t want to. But, after my neighbor said freedom is the brother of loneliness, I gave it a long thought. I still want my freedom, but can I risk loneliness?

Loneliness can make you depressed, loneliness can physically harm you. More and more people are lonely today. We think that all of these social media, smart phones, face timing that allows us to get in touch with one another instantly will make us feel connected but actually the opposite is true. We are lonelier than ever, more depress and anxious than ever and people are turning to therapists to cope.
The reason that loneliness has such serious consequences is that the human being is a social animal and if it’s on it own for too long, it gets sick.

Many times when you have anxiety and depression you feel lonely. A little while ago, I was talking to one of my friends and she was reflecting on her University experience. When she started talking, I could feel the sadness in her voice when she said that she was always lonely, and never felt that she fit in. She would ask herself, what’s wrong with me, and I thought to have to ask yourself this question, it’s so painful but it’s the question many people who have anxiety or who are lonely ask themselves.

I started researching loneliness, I wanted to find how we can get rid of it and to become happy. Here is what I found;
1) If you want to stop being lonely, you have to change how you perceive the world. This is where the difference is between people who are lonely and people who aren’t: People who are lonely, if something doesn’t work out for them, they say it’s their fault and they ask themselves what’s wrong with me?! But if you’re not lonely, you don’t attribute failure to yourself and instead you look at the approach that you took and think about other ways that you could reach your goal of saying making friends.
2) start talking to as many people as you can. Get out there and meet people, go to events. To be honest, such opportunities are limited because it’s hard to go to places alone just to meet people, it is forced, not natural. How many times do you go to the grocery store or a coffee shop?! Which is a much more realistic scenario because it’s part of your weekly routine. Initiate conversation, it introduces you to new friends when you least expect it. Talk to many people as possible, especially the ones you normally won’t talk to.
3) The third way to get rid of loneliness is to share about yourself: when people are lonely they tend to disclose less about themselves when they talk to others. If you want to create connections that are real with people, then you have to share about yourself and open up. When we take the risk to say what’s really on our minds, that when we create connections that are real and meaningful with people. And people will want to come back to us.

My friend who would ask herself what’s wrong with me, she made a point to talk to everyone, everywhere, and to open up. She started talking with the girl she met in the bookstore. The girl asked her for the name of the book she was reading, after saying it, she talked about what she felt about the book and recommended some for her. That was the day she became her friend.

Martin Luther king once said, you don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
I would love to know how y’all deal with loneliness in the comment section, it could help someone heal.