I Have No Clue

A loud cry from my injured and burdened heart

A basic family consist of the Father, the Mother and the Child. The child might be the only offspring or yet, have siblings. With siblings, there will be the eldest child be it a boy or a girl and with no siblings, there will be an only child. Since i was small and growing up , I thought of a lot of things as I am the eldest child and the only son. My Parents has three children, a boy and two girls. My thoughts were that one day the responsibilities of the family would all be on my shoulder to carry as my parents can't forever cater us all and their resources would one day be limited considering how the Country and world is heading. I would ponder on things like ... at what age would I start earning my first income? How will I become successful? What plan do I have for my life? What plans do I have in store for my parents and my sisters? and it haunts me to say that till today...

... I HAVE NO CLUE.

I have no clue and it saddens me ... at the moment,  i am in College; my 2nd year and still basically depend on my parents, yeah I might have worked a shift or two at a job somewhere to earn money for sustenance and feeding but I feel that I should have been independent and be taking care of my family. Am I in a rush or in a hurry? Am I over thinking things and should reach the bridge before I cross it? Am I going way over my head and should just leave my parents to fend for me till they can't anymore, judging that they brought me into this world? Well , I might be right and yet still be wrong also but i have no clue. I have no clue on how to make my breakthroughs and become independent,  i have no clue on what decisions I would make that will bring me one step closer to my dreams, I have no clue of where I am currently heading with my life decisions. All I do is just go with life's flow like a broken raft being washed downstream.

Things can sure get tough at times and I have to run back to my parents to help me out but what if they ain't there anymore ? or can't help me with whatever problems I might have ? what will I do? I have no clue. The stereotype all over the world is that male children should be the cup bearer of responsibilities ,or at least that what they believe in my country. A male child is being forced to do things and take actions that would lift him up to par and give him reputation amongst the society thereby lifting his family name , this is a given and is expected of every male child and most importantly when the male child is the eldest of the offsprings.

I have no clue as to what i am doing and what to do to achieve my dreams and goals of lifting my family name and not blowing away like dust amongst the troubles and hustling 'n' bustling of this life but I know with time , God will lead me through and I will see the light at the end of the tunnel.