How I Am Before and What I've Become Now

The only permament thing in this world is change. Other than that, all of us changes. Our looks, body figure, age, skin or even our status in life changes.

I came up with this topic while I was thinking what has change in my life. "What I am before and what I've become now."

I can say that I become more matured. Aside from my age, I should really be matured but going back to the days I've been doing before up to now was a big change. But in a positive way.

THEN

I remember those times when I was a teenager. I'm a home buddy person. After school, I hang out with my classmates once in a while but once I'm home, I will not get out of the house. I'm just inside watching television or listening to the radio and cleaning the house. It was my routine before. I am addicted to cleaning our house.

Some of my neighbors do not recognize me except neighbors near us. They were only familiar with all my family except me because I don't get out of the house. They were not familiar with my face. I became too shy.

Even we have "sari-sari" store, I am shy to go to our store if someone is buying. I will call my mother to assist them.

The reasons I only go out aside from school is when we visit our relatives or any special occasions that I need to attend. I am a very unsociable person.

Also, if I need to go outside, I need to take a bath first, I need to look good to everyone who will notice me.

After I graduated, it became worse. I dont have time to hang out with my friends until I found a job. I just stay at home during my restdays.

My main reason is due to my facial problems. I got acnes and it gets worse because of my nightshift job. Because of that, I lose my self confidence. I felt that people who saw me focus more on my acnes whenever they saw me. I got paranoid. I want to go out at night so no one will notice my face.

When I got a job, I can buy clothes, shoes and bags for myself. I can also buy stuffs for my mother and my family. This is because I am not in-charge of all the bills at home. I am not that serious when it comes to my family's responsibility before.

NOW

When I became a mother, I felt and I knew I need to become stronger no matter what. I am still the same shy person who does not get out of the house but now, I need to go out because its needed.

I need to go out to buy diapers or groceries for our store and for my son"s needs when my stock is consumed.

Now, I can go out without taking a bath. Time matters to me. If I need to buy something, I will just change clothes and go out because I should go home early because of my son. I only go to near places so that I won't get caught in traffic and be home early.

I remember when my mother told me, that I only have one child but I looked like I have four children because of how I look. I can go out without fixing my hair, without applying powder on my face. I don't care how I look at all.

Especially now that my mother is gone. I felt how it is hard to be a mother of how many children. How she managed the household chores. I felt that I need to do what she does at home but I can't do everything she can. I don't cook and wash the clothes. I can clean the house, wash the dishes and do the groceries.

I am now the one who gets out any time to buy whats missing in our store. For example, we don't have eggs to sell. So i will go out to buy 1 tray of egg to sell to customers. Our store is only small and we don't have budget for many supplies. We only buy what my budget can afford.

Now, I want to be in charge of the store. I am not shy to face the people unless having long talks. I can just assist them on what they want to buy.

I am now focused on my family's needs rather than mine. As much as I want to buy new clothes or new things for me, I will just buy what is needed in the house. During paydays, I will just buy groceries at home and for our store.

In my mind, I want to buy something for myself but I want my son's need first. My salary is also enough for the bills and groceries only.

I can say that I become the stronger person now. I learned a lot from mistakes.

I can also talk to some of my neighbors. I tried to become sociable when people are buying in our store. It's my way of saying that I am a nice person.

I worry a lot. I always want to keep my family safe and in good health. But there is God who is with me and my family everyday.

My Final Say

You may have a beautiful face and a smooth skin for now but as times passed, you will become old and your beauty will fade. But you will always be remembered for a beautiful heart.

There is a rainbow after the rain. If our past has become worse, our present may be better and vice versa. We are the one who holds our success. We can change our future if we want to.

I realized a lot of things. I should be going out, be sociable, enjoy more, but now, I know I missed a lot but there is still the present and future for me to change.

Thank you CryptoMax and immaryandmerry for the sponsorships. I admire your trust in me.

Happy reading everyone!!