Happy Birthday To Me..My First Birthday Without Her

Yesterday was my day. I am officially 40 years old. I cannot control my age but it is okay. They say age is just numbers. It still depends on how you look at your age and how you take care of yourself.

What matters is that even you are old enough, you still feel young within. Not just by wearing clothes like the younger generation but the feeling of being young.

Well, happy birthday to me!!

I remember when I always lie of my age. At work, whenever people asked me about my age, I don't tell them my real age. I made it younger by 5 years.

Then they will asked me the year I was born so I have to compute it in my mind which was very obvious that I am lying because I answered late. I have to calculate about my age first. But I realized, why should I lie about my age?

I always file for a vacation leave everytime that my birthday falls during weekdays. Not because I have a celebration but only because I want to take a rest on that day. Forget the stress and just stay at home with my family for that whole day.

My Past Birthday Celebrations

I remembered when my mother was the one to buy all that is needed for the spaghetti. She will cook it and we will all wait for it to be cooked. Everyone in the house loves spaghetti so sometimes, we cannot give food to neighbors because we can all ate it.

But it is by default that we gave food to our neighbor who is beside us which we are doing eversince and the couple in front of us selling "ihaw-ihaw" as their business.

If there were extras, we gave food to other neighbors as well.

It became a Filipino tradition wherein we usually give foods to our neighbors when there are occassions like birthdays, baptismals or Christmas and New Year Celebrations. Even though we knew that our neighbors have the same food with us, we still share it with them. Same thing with them.

My Birthday Celebration Yesterday

I received greetings from my relatives early in the morning and from some friends. Though they were not here to celebrate, you can still feel their concerns through greetings.

As long as I have my spaghetti, that was enough. I only bought pasta and sauce, together with meat, cheese and other ingredients for spaghetti. My mother always cooks it because I always wanted it and it is very delicious and tasty compared to other spaghetti I have tasted.

But I know she is happy where she is right now. That is all I prayed for.

This year was a different birthday for me, since my mother passed away. I will never taste the same spaghetti but my sister was there to cook for me. She also cooked like my mother.

I remember when I went outside at around 7pm the other day to buy few supplies for our store. Then when I came home to take a bath because I need to get ready for my shift at 9pm, I went to the bathroom. Then my tears were flowing. I cannot control my tears. I remembered my mother. I don't know why but it was automatic that I cried. I am missing her. My first birthday that she was not with us.

Yesterday, my sister bought the things needed in the market. We also cooked lumpiang shanghai. But that is all. I am short in budget so that is all we prepared.

Last year, I remember when I have spaghetti, chicken, cake and ice cream. But I felt lonely because I all paid for my birthday celebration. I understood it since they don't have money to share but it just feels weird when I was buying all for myself.

Now, spaghettii is okay because I celebrated and ate with my family. I also have a cake and the famous "lumpiang shanghai". It was a normal day but my family is there with me so I am simply happy with that. Especially that I have my son and my partner with me.

What Do I Remember of My Mother The Most?

I remembered my mother when she cooked spaghetti. She always gave me the first serving of her cooked pasta. I will be the one to taste it. I will eat a lot even its lunch or dinner and even breakfast the other day if there is some more.

If there is extra sauce, we will make a pizza using bread as the dough and put spaghetti sauce and grated cheese on top. We will put it in the pan or in the oven.

My mother is too close to me and to my younger brother that even we are old enough, she still scolded us and can simply say whatever she wanted to say when she is mad.

She can control us especially in making decisions. If I have made my decision to a certain issue and I will ask for her opinion which is totally different with mine, she will tell me her opinion and that is what I mostly follow. Simply because it is much better.

But out of all the decisions she told me, one of those things that I persuaded was when I fall in love. They don't want the relationship I have but I still follow my heart. I defended it to my parents. They are against but we prove to then our love for each other. Until now, we are trying to prove our relationship to my father now.

But aside from that, I followed my mothers order and I inherited most of her traits. She always gets mad if she has no money. I am also like that. Because the money will be used at home, for food and for other payments and expenses. Of course, it is normal to get mad if we don't have money.

She gets mad if there are dirty dishes in the table and in the sink. I also do. I will be the one to wash them all and wipe the table rather than scolding someone to clean it.

She also gets mad if my father was drunk. She will nag and nag to us which mostly started their fight.

I missed those moments though its good or bad times. There is always those tough times in the family but as long as you are complete, it is happiness. But now, all of those with my mother were just menories which will never be forgotten.

I missed my mother so much. The moments we have together. I will always love her forever. We all love her and she knows that.

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Happy Reading!!