@SeverinaMarche 23 December 2025 edited more from that month

Before the Year Ends...

Dear Ivan Evangelista, I'm brave enough to dropped your name because ang dami mong ka-hit sa NBI. Lol. If you’ve received this at all, it’s because you became someone I couldn’t leave unspoken. I write as though distance is cruel and time is fragile, pouring everything into these words like a yearning wife for her soldier husband in the war hahaha. So please, don't blink. Okay... Eto na. Do you remember the day we met in person? You walked in, surprisingly tall, mask on, hair annoyingly neat. Your nape... Bite-able (sorry.) lumalabas talaga pagiging bampira ko sayo. Hahaha. I waved at you. A very small wave. Just so you’d know you were in the right room and that I exist. You waved back and for some reason that made me stupidly happy, kinikilig ako, but it’s 'work' so I acted normal. You went straight to the client and started talking like you actually knew what you were doing. You're calm, confident, soft spoken, very put together. I was behind you pretending to listen while secretly thinking, "wow, this guy knows what he’s doing." Just silently cheering. Also yes, I admit. I checked your finger for a wedding ring. There was none. I still assumed you were married though. Maybe you forgot it at home. Maybe your wife was too busy with the laundry to remind you. I don’t know. Possibility keeps my deluluness grounded. After the meeting and ocular inspection, we walked along the long path leading outside the plant. You caught up with me the moment you got the chance. We talked about business and somehow ended up being a little too friendly for two people who technically met only 75 minutes ago, especially when you casually told me you were wearing a mask because you had a cough which you got from drinking with your friends. Nakakatawa lang kasi that is not something you usually say to a person you just met. That is crazy hahaha but also funny. When I got back to the office, I checked my Viber and found myself replying to you, no longer in a formal way like before. I realized I was being way too casual, so I finally asked if you were married or in a relationship rather than finding myself getting slapped by your wife in the parking lot. Whahaha. Also for me to know my boundaries. You said you were single and asked if I was too, apparently to confirm the ring I was wearing in my Viber profile picture. I was like, “Huh?? Napaka unrecognizable naman nung singsing na yun para makita. Unless he is eagerly checking something.” Hmm. Ano ba? Hahaha. I told you it was from my dad. Honestly, I wear it especially during business meetings to keep everything professional and to make sure the focus stays far away from my civil status. And that day na nagkita tayo, nakalimutan kong isuot. Hahahaa. The conversation eventually drifted to the topic of a coffee date, and you asked about my work schedule. Sinabi ko naman. Hahaha. Ewan ko, I was just too comfortable talking to you. I admit, I was smiling the whole time. Pero inisip ko na you just wanted to be friends with me, kaya siguro, and I kept thinking na bukas hindi naman na tayo mag-uusap. The next day, messages flashed on my screen. “Good morning.” It was you. Hmm. It had been a while since yung last na may nag good morning sa akin na hindi work related message. I bit my lips so no one would think, “Baliw na ’to, ngumingiti na mag isa.” Hahaha. We talked constantly for days. I mean, not straight because we were both busy. Still, it was weird how every time you messaged, I was available to reply, as if “Feeling ko, she’s not busy. I’ll message her.” Hahaha. Eme. Honestly, masama na ’to. Kasi kinikilig na ’ko sa mga banat mo. Hahaha. To the point na naguguluhan na rin ako kung nahuhulog na ba ako o masyado lang akong natutuwa sa ’yo. Weeks after, I finally asked you. Are we talking because we have a business transaction? Or do you want to be friends with me because I’m funny and chill? Or is there something more personal, like the thought of dating me? You answered right away. You said you liked me, but your quiet days made you realize that you are not ready to be in a relationship yet and that we are better off as friends. Nakahinga ako. Hahaha. But I was still confused because “You liked me”? Ano ba, as a person? Or attracted ka sa akin? I did not ask anymore because I was confused too. “Do I like you too? Or are you just my type?” I did not know, and I did not want to jump into something I was not sure of, so I just said that you were my type to be safe. The next day, no good morning. Okay. Hinayaan ko na lang kasi I was too busy to check my phone that day. Minutes turned into hours, then days, then weeks. Na realize ko na lang na ang tagal na pala nating hindi nag uusap. I have to admit that I missed you. I did not expect those morning messages to become part of my day. Pero syempre, I am not a demanding person, and who am I to demand anyway, di ba? Hahaha. I felt like I lost something, but I ignored it and focused on my work. After those days, you reached out. We talked again, but I could already feel the change. Our conversations were more casual and mostly about business, unlike before when we were not holding back on flirting. That made me sad. Days after, even when I was busy, there was no moment when I did not think about you. It felt like everything I saw somehow reminded me of you. That was when I realized I was feeling something that was not normal. I did not want to acknowledge it because I did not want to get hurt again. First day of December, it was a brand new month. Naisip ko, wala ring patutunguhan tong kakaisip ko sa’yo kaya titigilan ko na yung kabaliwan ko ngayon. Magfo focus na ulit ako sa sarili ko. But then you reached out again. Magdadala ka kamo ng regalo as a mandatory from your company. Bwisit talaga. Huhu. So udlot? Hahaha. Then the day finally came when you were going to visit our office. Honestly, sobrang busy ko ng araw na ’yan, but I told you I only had a few meetings in the morning. I did not even get the chance to comb my hair or put on makeup. Tapos dumating ka. Hahaha. I was shocked because you arrived so early. Hahaha. Okay, wala na akong magagawa. Alangan mag ayos pa ako. Finally, I saw your face without a mask. That made my heart skip a beat. Bakit ganyan ka ka gwapo? Huhu. But I still acted professional. Hindi naman yung dalawin ako ang rason mo kung bakit ka pumunta. I introduced you to my Kuya too. Buti na lang nag behave siya. Hahaha. I walked you down, and I had so many things to say that I had rehearsed during the meeting, but none of them came out of my mouth. Haaay. Then we said goodbye to each other. I wanted to hug you because that might have been the last time I would see you. Pero syempre, I shook your hand instead. Professionalism at its finest. Hahaha. After that... Our convos turned… corporate. Like you're suddenly transformed into a Google Doc. No capslock laugh. No warmth. Just business. So I matched your energy, out of respect. I didn’t want to overstep or misread anything. ***Sighhh*** I eventually accepted that we are just project partners who talk casually. I cannot even say we are friends because I feel like we are not emotionally connected enough to be called that. Ang layo nga natin sa isa’t isa eh. Now, we talk over the phone through calls since most of the time I am away from my computer and do not get the chance to type messages. Nakakainis lang because I get to hear your voice. Your laugh. The way you talk to me. Those things make me smile, as if all my problems and sadness melt away, and somehow, that made me fall even more. Did I just say, “I fell”? Maybe what you wished for before, “Sana mafall ka,” actually happened. Now I am admitting it without hesitation. **I like you, Ivan. I really do.** I am not saying this to change anything. I am not expecting anything either. I just want to be honest with you, let these feelings out of my chest, and finally move on. So… yeah. You were one of the nicest plot twists of my 2025. There. I finally said it. I’m absolutely hiding now after dropping this bomb. Happy New Year, Ivan. 💛 Yearning, Kim