@SeverinaAugustine 17 October 2025 more from that month

Ikaw Ang Aking Sansinukuban

I have always been a poetic soul, perhaps one borrowed from another lifetime. I speak in metaphors, not because I am hiding, but because it is the only language that feels close enough to the truth. Each word I write is meant to feel—sharp, soft, heavy—like a ghost of a nearly *trentahin* girl, still wandering with a soul left behind in 1866. I lace my feelings in imagery: lanterns instead of pain, storms instead of anger, forests instead of being lost, and building another world instead of simply saying I’m in love. It helps me say what I mean without saying it outright. Precision through poetry. Honesty through disguise. Maybe I was never meant to speak plainly. Maybe I was born to turn ache into magic. I have always wished for someone who could match my brain, figuratively of course. Someone who could read my words and feel them the way I do. Not just skim the surface, but dive into the undercurrents without needing a map. I wanted someone who would not need me to explain every metaphor or unravel every line. Someone who simply understands. And if it is not too much to ask, maybe he writes too. Someone who weaves thoughts into quiet webs of meaning and pours his heart into every sentence. Someone who feels deeply, writes bravely, and hides little pieces of himself between the lines. Then, I found someone a year ago. He is a pretty guy, not just in the way he looks, but in the softness he seems to carry. I think he is tall, with kind eyes and a heart that opens without needing to be asked. The type of person who gives more than he takes, without keeping score. Gentle. Generous. Thoughtful. And he is intelligent too. Not just in what he knows, but in how he sees the world. The kind of intelligence that listens between words, that understands silence, that feels the weight of things unsaid. Maybe I have not met him fully yet. Maybe I only know the idea of him. But still, I found someone. Or at least, the beginning of someone. The sad thing is... His name is Gian Bernardino. Devastating, right? Girls and guys are lined up for him, and I feel like I am the last in queue. I fell in love with his band’s songs first. They are the kind of songs that pull you in slowly, until you realize you are already drowning in the lyrics. Every word feels heavy with meaning. You can feel the pain, the grief, the love, the happiness, and the hope all at once. It is the kind of music that does not just speak to you, it stays with you. Then there is him. He is funny. I just started watching his livestreams on social media, and he makes me laugh without trying too hard. There is something so natural about the way he talks. Something warm and light. I do not really know him, but somehow, through his songs and the way he carries himself online, it feels like I know pieces of him. And those pieces are enough to make me stay a little longer, listening. Imagine this: you are the lucky girl he is talking about, not just hearing him say, *"I love you,"* but hearing him say, *"Ikaw ang aking sansinukuban"*—meaning, *"You are my entire universe. My world revolves around you, across all time and existence."* I would die hearing that. To know that you are the center of someone's world in such an infinite, boundless way. It's the kind of love that transcends everything. Oh, to love that way. I still hold on to hope. That someone will come. Someone who sees the way I feel things, the way I write them down like prayers folded into paper. Someone who will grant these quiet wishes I carry. Because in a world of one-night stands, hookup culture, fast love, and games disguised as affection, I want something else. Something slower. Something real. I want letters instead of late-night texts with no commas. I want pauses, ellipsis, punctuation, meaning in every line. I want love that takes its time. I want to be looked at like I matter. To be spoken to with kindness. To be held like a fragile glass—not because I am weak, but because I am worth being careful with. And maybe, one day, someone will understand that. *"Maaari bang ipa-xerox ka, Gian Bernardino?"*