@SeverinaAugustine 22 August 2025 more from that month

Unfollowed

There’s a lot going on in my head this week and I don’t even know where to start. I just want to let it all out. I feel like my mind is full. Lately, I’ve been getting that urge again to deactivate all my social media, to disappear for a while, to ghost everyone. I feel like crying, screaming, raging. It’s like I’m attending a funeral for all the people I’ve lost, even though they’re still alive. I want to stop pretending. I want to feel miserable, inside and out. I want to be real. I want to be vulnerable. Everything feels too heavy, and I can’t keep holding it in. I’m tired of hiding how I feel. Honestly, I’m just really tired. I feel like I went into a forest for an adventure with someone. At first, it was fun. It was quiet, tranquil, happy. You could say it was full of the kind of love you wish would never end. I could sing and dance with every step. I stumbled on a few rocks and old branches along the way, but I could still stand. I could still walk. But now I turned around and I have no one. He left me alone, not even thinking a wolf might devour me alive in the middle of this forest. I feel like I am already too deep in. Lost. There are no signs that others have ever been here. No tracks. No way out. It feels like a maze with no exit. I tried to keep walking forward, forcing a smile even though I am terrified. Then I saw bones. Bones of people who were stuck here too. Some were sitting beside trees, waiting, but they never made it out. Some were hanging, like they got tired, gave up, and took their own lives. So maybe this is the only choice left for me? I don’t know how to walk again or how to find a way out. I’m really tired. I’ve tried to fix myself. I’ve put on makeup, worked out, read books, written things to broaden my vocabulary. I’ve done things that are supposed to make me happy. I’ve organized my place and kept my table at work neat. I’ve been trying to grow, even if it’s just a little. But the truth is, I’m not happy. What I don’t understand is how the people who hurt me get to move on so easily. How can they find someone else, like it costs them nothing? Like they’re not even trying. How do they get to have someone they don’t even deserve? Someone came. The one I told you about. The stranger flying the plane. To be honest, I was really excited when he showed up. I thought maybe he could help me get out of this hellhole. I thought I could finally be happy again. I thought I could forget the city guy who keeps haunting my thoughts. But a few days after seeing my profile, he unfollowed me. Now I can’t stop asking myself. What’s wrong with me? Am I ugly? Is it my hair? My eyes? My nose? Are my lips or teeth too big? Is it my skin? Am I dumb? Is my body disgusting? Am I fat? Is it my attitude? Am I not funny enough? Not kind enough? Why do men treat me like trash? Like something they can use and throw away once I no longer fit into their standards? I DEACTIVATED MY SOCIALS. Maybe this is for the best. -Severina Augustine