I'm Finally Home, but My Light is Nowhere to be Found

"No!! I won't allow that. I didn't gave birth to you just to be my nurse. Anyone can do that to me but you only have a few chance to grab an opportunity. Grab it while it still there. I can take care of myself my Love. Go spread your wings and reach you dreams. I won't allow myself to be the one who'll stop you to achieve that. I will never be an hindrance to you. Go! Go reach your dreams and remember that I will just be here who will celebrate with your triumph."

"Mom!"

I feel like it's only yesterday. I still remember every words she said to me, every bit of it.

It become my motivation. It inspires me to achieve all I want to achieve. And I'm glad I made it. I am also happy that I have a very understanding mother who's very supportive to me.

She's the one who push me to do it. She's my number one cheerer. The only person that can light my world whenever it turns black. She's the only one who can calm my racing heart when problems arise.

She's the best mother ever! She's already in her 60 when I left her. I know, she's already old and I'm just 22 that time. I know it's hard for her to let me go but she let me do it because she know my dream.

It also hard for me to leave her because she's already old and I'm afraid that something might happen to her but she didn't allow it. She still push me to pursue what I want in my life. And now I'm going home after 8 years.

I never saw Mom since then but she always call me or if not she will send a recordings to me and I used that to motivate myself when I feel suffocated, tired and when I thought of giving up. "I have a mother who's waiting for me. I can't afford to disappoint her."

No one knows that I'm going home. It's a surprise. I can already imagine Mom's surprise face when she saw me.

"Ahhhh, home sweet home!"

I just rode on a Taxi for another 30 minutes and when I finally saw that house that exactly looks to what I dream before, a dream house. I know, I feel it, I am finally home.

I excitedly exited on the Taxi and get my things. And when I finally step my foot on the ground, my heart beats more faster. I stop admiring the house and get close to the gate.

"Ahh, it's really my dream house. Mom!"

I just ring the bell and waited for Mom to come out. But it is not Mom that I saw. It's my Aunt, from the mother side.

"Auntie! You're also home. I thought you have work. OMG! I want to surprise Mom first but, SURPRISE!!! Where is she?"

Auntie looks really surprise, she also look worried, sad and afraid?

I'm not really sure what's up with her but I hug her tightly. "I misses you! I also missed Mom. Is she inside? Where is she?" I am so excited to see her.

She didn't answer, she just lead the way and we walk inside the house. I feel like Auntie is about to cry.

I was greeted by the white room that I think is a living room. But there's one particular space that caught my attention. I don't know but I suddenly feel fears inside my heart.

Oh, it'd Mom. She looks much younger her. So where is she? Is she in her room? I walk through the stair leading on the second floor. But I feel no presence on it all. And when I look to my Auntie, she is crying so hard like and it's getting louder and louder.

That's when I heard a voice asking if Auntie is okay. And I saw my cousin with a glass on her hand. She saw me and she accidentally drop the glass she's holding like she just saw a ghost.

"Ma-marie? Is that you?"

"Yes, Ate Mel, its me. But where's Mom? Seriously, you're making me feel strange. What's the problem?"

"Mom! You need to tell her now." It was Ate Mel. And she's crying now too. I can't really understand their reaction but I waited to their explanation.

I though, it is Mom who will be surprised on my return. But it is me.

It's me! And I cannot accept it! I cannot accept the truth that they told me. I just can't accept it.

"I'm sorry Marie. But that's what your Mom wants. She made me a promise that I will never tell it to you. Not until you're not going home. She also made me a promise that I will do exactly the dream house that you have."

"So, all along I am just talking to a recordings? She did it while she's waiting for her death and you never told me? How could you? How do you think I'm gonna accept it all? She's dead! For 7 years! And you really! OH MY GOSH!!"

"God knows, how I tried to convince her Marie. But she told me that she doesn't want to be the obstacle on reaching your dreams. She doesn't want to be burden to you while trying to achieve your goals. Marie, I am also in pain. Coz I witness her cry while recording all those voice message. I know she badly want to be with you but can't be with you because she think, she is a just big problem to you. I made her understand that you will never think that way to her but she never listen to me. You know my sister. She hated it when the promise made was broken. I can't just break that promise."

I don't have thr strength to talk anymore. I just feel lost, in pain, my heart is filled with sadness. The light that helps me to get through all the pain in the past is gone. I didn't even saw her for the last time. I feel brokenhearted.

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WAHHHHHHhh, I thought of this while taking a bath. And while writing it, mejo nasad ako huehue. I got tear eyed din huehue. I hope you also feel the same way so that we all share the same feelings, charrrr lol.

Thank You for reading!

October 04, 2022

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