Clean the Mess out of Annoyance

I already share here that when I am still a kid, I resent Mom too much because shes really you know, so strict to me. I can't do a lot and whenever that happens I will let her see that I am so against with it but what can an immature teenager can do with it right. I can only sulk on my room and cry. And if ever she saw me crying she will also get mad at me.

I mean , I just want to release all those emotions I have inside because of her. Because if I don't do that, I am the one who'll be more affected it. So I have no choice but to cover my mouth while crying and held myself up not to make a sound. I hated her so much that time because even if I just want to cry, I don't have the right to do it.

And while growing up I learned to talk back to her because it's not like they are the one who's always right. Specially her partner, I saw her Partner that time as a thorn and a witch to finally get my happiness. She is a big thorn that I dont want in my life. She is like a witch who push the trigger using a magic wand and in one snap Mom will get mad at me.

She is a "sumbungera" ganon. And Mom who love that witch too much will give me an earful. And I don't have a choice but to cry again coz I feel like heaven is not doin anything to make me feel happy, just even a small reason to make me feel happy. That's what I want but I just cant get it. I can never have it I guess. Why it is hard to get it?

Maybe I killed a lot of people in my past life that is why I am experiencing the worst punishment that exist ever. And that is having a simple happiness. This is really what I thought before. But off course it is different now. But, I still have that one habit that I always do whenever I have a petty quarrel with Mom. Just one and nothing more, lol.

There is Just one thing I do whenever I am mad, too emotional or when I got a fight with Mom. It is when my nerves will really shake of madness and also because of that rage of anger my tears will just fall in my eyes because of those different emotions that is so strong that I thought I will burst. And if I feel that even if I hate doing this one thing, I will do it.

Clean my room

I told you this is what I hate to do. You can make me wash a bunch of plates but I will never clean. Out of all house chores this is what I hated the most. Cleaning! I hate sweeping the floor if the space is too big.I hate cleaning a super dirty organizer and I mean I really hate anything that involves cleaning, lol. Yeah, I am the kind of person that you don't want to live in the same house, lol.

So, everytime that Mom will scold me, when we are mad at each other or when we have some quarrel. I will stay on my room, put my headset on and will open my durabox. I will get those already folded shirt of mine and will fold it again and organize it inside my durabox. I will also throw those candy wrapper that I accidentally put in there and clean it completely.

Mom sometimes call me if she need something to me even if it's not just an hour ago when we fight. But I will only pretend that I didn't hear her because I have cover in my ears which is my headset. I will continue what I'm doing and even those things that I didn't bother opening up to clean before I will clean it too. Maybe this is just my way of easing the hard feeling I have in my heart.

Wash the clothes that I've been delaying on washing

Haha, not sure if you can relate to this but I have my favorites shirts and when it's washing time I will just wash those shirts i love to wear and leave the rest on my laundry basket. And sometimes it will really takes a month before I will decide to wash them too. And that is when I feel like doing it or when Mom and I fought again lol. Can't really help it I'm dakilang tamad po, sumemasen.

So meaning to say I can do all those things that I don't usually do whenever I am too emotional.

And it's really effective. Diverting my attention into the house chores that I really hate is one of the best thing to do whenever you are experiencing some shit in your life. Well, for me. Not sure to everyone though. How about you?

Do you just cry and sulk inside your room whenever you're in a pinch or just like me you will just divert your attention into different things to let you breath and subside your anger?

Lead Image from Unsplash

Date Written: June 17, 2022

Published Date: July 21, 2022

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