I am responsible for my sleepless nights
There are endless medical reasons why a person does not sleep well. I am not denying them. It can be different sleep cycles, something that you ate, or that you had too much alcohol to drink (maybe even too often). When a person is sick they might have trouble sleeping and also when people have too much on their mind.
So in most cases, I can't do anything about it but stay patient and give myself time to heal. In some, I can improve my habits and choose a better lifestyle. But to be specific, my problem is the last one.
An overactive mind
Like all the rest of us, I too have a habit of holding on to the thought that crosses my mind and weave it into a story. I know it's not needed. I don't choose to do it.
This story just doesn't seem to end. It either keeps going on and on or is taken over by a different thought which means a change of plot. It's almost like a cue for my mind. So a passing thought doesn't just pass my mind. I hold on to it, more like captivate it, although involuntarily, and keep it until something else takes its place.
Nights are when my mind is overactive
I don't want it to be. All-day long it takes things easy. Even gives me breathers from story weaving to concentrate on the task at hand. This I am very grateful for. But only some time ago, within the last year, it has gone back to its usual uncontrolled way of thoughts.
Yes, before that for a bit I had learned to control it. But now, I am again starting to have sleepless nights. I am in the struggling zone.
There are reasons for it
Nothing ever happens for no reason.
The few regular things, when medically all else is fine can be
a) Not getting tired enough. Yep, if you aren't working out through the day, physically exhausted, you will have trouble sleeping.
b) Eating/Drinking late at night. The nights when I eat in less than 4 hours from bedtime, my stomach doesn't let me sleep.
c) Going late to bed is also another cause. If I eat at around 6 pm and sleep later than 10-10.30, then also I am unable to sleep because I get hungry around midnight. Yeah, it's a very delicate time slot when you must time it with your last meal and like a ritual go to bed.
d) Not letting the passing thoughts pass. Holding on to them will cause you to stay up for a really long time if not all night. Most times it is me who lets my mind weave the story when I can control it and ask it to calm down. Our minds are very much trainable.
This I have noticed doesn't happen when I am too tired to think. Meaning, physically exhausted. This is the time when I go right down to sleep without even one thought crossing my mind. Hence I like to stay physically active.
I know it's difficult
Not the part about controlling thoughts, but the part about staying physically active. This is of course considering the current pandemic scenario. Otherwise, if you choose to give in to laziness and have a quitter attitude it is on you..
Hence this is why I feel know that I am responsible for my sleepless nights.
When I can control my thoughts and focus on what is instead of a make-belief scenario, I know I can have better sleep. It's me who has become lazy (not weak) to take the reigns of my mind in my hands.
It's no one and nothing to blame but me myself.
But it's never impossible
And, meditation most definitely helps. It's true. It helps keep your focus and it helps in making sure that your mind never goes on autopilot again. Provided, you choose otherwise.
