Happy Tuesday read.cash readers.
I don’t really know what I’m going to write coz my mind is lacked out of words. After how many hours of thinking, something just popped in my mind. I don’t know if these will make sense. So here I am.
May ask you what’s in your baggage? Do you really need everything that is inside?
Anxiety, depression, overthinking, self-blame, suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, dwelling on the past and many more. Have you got one of those? Did you put these on your suitcase? I'm pretty sure some of you brought this right? Personally, I have all of these. Maybe you noticed in my previous article that I usually wrote some negative vibes. I always admit I’m not strong when it comes to handling situation. I can’t stop myself from feeling all of these. I never wish to feel this way. I'm totally sick of it. Overthinking always leads me to suicidal thoughts, I do always have my “what if’s”. What if I can’t make it? What if I’m not capable of? What if I don’t have a fruitful future? What if everything wreck? What if I’m stuck? What will I do? What’s my next move? What would be their reaction? What if they get mad? I don’t want to disappoint my parents who sacrificed a lot just to bring me to school. I don’t want to lose the trust that they gave me and I don’t want to hurt the person who loves me. I know it’s not good for my health and it only brings me to something more devastating.
Adding to the depression that I have, which I don’t even want to tell my boyfriend nor my family. I don't want them to be worried. I don't want to stress them thinking of me. They still have a lot of things to prioritize. I don't want to be their burden. I only want them to be happy, just that no less. I’m selfish when it comes to this, I don’t want to share it with anyone. I have to do it on my own. It's never gonna be easy to deal with it all alone. I’m pretty sure soon I can leave my excess baggage. This is too much for me, I can’t even move, I can’t even think properly and I’m tired of it.
If I can throw everything away easily, why not?
If ever I could change this to someone’s baggage, why not? lol! I will still choose to carry mine. I don't want anyone to feel what I felt. I’m responsible for it. Remember I’m selfish and I still choose what I have no matter what. I never thought this would be as heavy as it is. I mean I never cared too much about it before. When adulting comes, everything just turns into like these. Happiness turns instantly into nightmare. Who would have thought?
Actually I’m still dealing with it, though I have a positive aura but still I got my excess baggage. Besides, I have my other pack of bags where love, care, trust, faith and positivity are found. No need to worry as long as I won’t lose it. I still believe that "There's always a rainbow after the rain".
To all those who suffer the same, keep praying and always keep moving. If you feel you can't handle it seek for help. I'm pretty sure someone is willing to help you out. Don't be like me, who frightened to tell anyone.
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I guess everyone had an experienced in having excess baggages. It may not easy to get rid of them but I hope so you can the soonest.