How to improve ourselves? (IV)
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
I am enjoying this series because it gives me room to do my best and also be happy I am getting better too. After all, I have got you to come around to learn something from it too. We are all learning and I can't say I am 100% perfect.
Did you miss the first three parts? Don't worry, I got 'em all for you. Just click and enjoy reading. 😉
How to improve ourselves? (II)
How to improve ourselves? (III)
So, for today's segment, it would be;
Stop worrying about what people will say
"What will they say?" "What will they see in me?" "I don't want people to start saying bad things to me" "I must endure, people will talk" and the list goes on like that.
These words have sent many to the grave today and they (people) gladly move on. That is life for you.
If you live your life on what people will say, it means you aren't in control of your life. Having seen much physical and emotional abuse in different homes and how they keep quiet because they are afraid people will call them names, they will blame them, they have been badly beaten and gave up, all in the name of enduring so much pain when you can leave quietly not minding what people will say.
Do you know what?
When you disappear today, the world will go on perfectly fine without you.
Yes, that is the end when they have finally pushed you and you don't have power on your own again. It's such a pity many of us have allowed the thought "what will people say" to get into us and we don't seem to understand that our emotions matter and are important. Stop hurting yourself when you can just freely leave to move on with your life.
The case of many abuses in marriages has made people feel powerless and can't take action, because their friends and the public would talk to them. Why not leave and ignore them? Life is more important than enduring pains that could lead to death in the end.
You are living with a monster and he keeps beating you, and you don't seem to walk away because you are afraid people will tag you with names and blame all on you? It is not their business, but yours. It is not their life but yours. If they don't value their lives, you should. There is a big chance for you when you walk out with your child(ren)(that is if you have one). There is nothing bad in being a single parent, as long as you are focused and have something to do.
Life is precious, so you should value it, rather than being subjected to any kind of abuse till you are beaten into a stupor. Will you then realize all your steps when you are dead? People will only mourn you for a few days and they are the people who would still blame you. "Why didn't you leave when things like this are happening? You should value your life, blablabla"
People will always be people. If you put on a nice dress, they say you are too proud or pompous. If you put on simple clothes, they say you are poor. If you add weight, they will say you are eating too much. If you lose weight, they will say you aren't eating well. 😅😅😅
For God's sake, why are people this way? They can never agree with you and instead of hearing you out, they immediately conclude.
You should know what pleases you. You should do what makes you happy and stop worrying about people. You are your person and no one should come and dictate for you.
I prepared a meal some time ago, and this lady came around and was like "you shouldn't have done it this way. It won't be sweet. There is a different method I use" I smiled and told her "it's my way and I can't copy others".
Why would you want me to follow your way of doing things when I have my style of getting it done? I don't care, as long as I have tried my way and it's my business.
Many would want you to do things in their way and before you know it, they have removed their hands, leaving you to keep circling without knowing what to do. You become confused but they aren't there to guide you anymore.
Human beings are like chameleons. They change with a colour today and another colour the next day. They feel for you today but would turn their backs on you tomorrow.
Why not do your thing, follow your heart and stop listening to what people will say.
You made a decision yourself, you find out it isn't your way again. What do you do? Wouldn't you stop and try another way? But you have allowed the mentality of "what will he or she say later" to get into you. They didn't plan for you but they are ready to poke nose until they destroy your life and they move on with theirs.
Funny enough, many people won't want others to control them but they would love to take full control over you. Some are only being nice because of what they want to get from you, and once they successfully get it, that's the end.
Just like the article @Olasquare wrote six days ago titled "Facade"
He talked about a lady (Linda) who messed things up just because of a friend's suggestion. The friend was a single lady sending erotic texts to her husband just to find proof to show Linda to make her believe he was cheating on her. Meanwhile, the husband wasn't but when Linda came to her senses through another friend who stayed in her marriage despite knowing the husband was cheating, she went back to apologize.
The single lady just wanted her to leave the marriage, perhaps would try to take over if the husband had fallen into the trap.
Many are like Linda who would believe what their friends say all in the name of "she is my friend. She wants the best for me" then you ruin your relationship with a good person and before you know it, they have taken over once you leave.
Stop worrying or listening to what people will say. Do your thing and understand that you have your decision to make even though you seek advice.
Just like a counsellor, he will never impose on you what to do exactly, but would gladly leave many options behind for you to think over and choose. Seek advice but know your stand and take your decision after weighing all options if they are good or not.
Don't kill yourself because if you die or leave, people will continue living.
To be continued…
Thanks for reading
@gertu13 thank you ma for renewing your sponsorship. God bless you always.
Image by Molnar on Unsplash designed on Canva
[May 18, 2022] (No 138 article for the year)
I am enjoying your series on self-improvement Princess :-) I think in many ways writing acts as a catharsis for us all and that the author is getting as much out of each piece as the reader, if not more. The sentiment I hear being echoed throughout this article is one that I have been following to the best of my ability this past year... and that is to seek out and follow my joy, wherever and whenever I may find it... to say YES more often to things that are likely to challenge me or bring me more happiness even if some of my YES's have been outside of my traditional comfort zones... to be more present, mindful, meditate, pray, reflect, explore my beliefs and faith. I have surprised myself...a lot!!! But boy have I had a great year! :-)
I do 'me' and allow others to do 'themselves'... I don't worry about what other people think.
And as a Mom, I have loosened the reins a lot more too... still require responsible, respectful attitudes and actions from my kids in order to reciprocate with greater freedoms and responsibility, but supporting each of them in the pursuit of their own joy.
I read your article after coming across it in Dreemport today.
Much love.