HALAGA NG BAWAT LETRA “Gaano kahalaga ang bawat letra?” Our teacher's voice filled the four sides of our classroom as she asked those. Tahimik ang bawat isa na tila walang maisip na sagot. “kaw, Ms. Villaflore. What do you think?” Napapitlag ako nang marinig ko ang pangalan ko at nagaalangang tumayo. With trembling lips, I worded, “V-very important, Ma'am.” “Kindly explain your answer,” Marahas akong napalunok. “to create every words, maybe?” Hindi ako sigurado sa aking sagot ngunit pinasilayan nito ang malawak na ngiti bago ako sinenyasang maupo. “Ms. Villaflore's answer was correct...but” lumakad ito sa buong silid habang kaming lahat ay seryosong sinusundan ang gawi nito gamit ang aming mga mata. “Not just to create, but to let us understand more, clearly.” Malalim ang aming talakayan nang biglang umalingawngaw ang bell—senyales na tapos na ng klase. “Class dismiss,” “Vince--- Papalapit palang ako sa aking nobyo nang umiwas ito sa dapat sanang pagyakap ko sa kanya. “I have something to accomplish. Chat nalang kita mamaya, Bye.” Malamig na wika nito at'saka dire-diretsong naglakad palayo nang hindi man lang ako nililingon. Actually, it has been months when my boyfriend, Vince started acting cold whenever I call, chat or having even a little conversation with him. Wala naman akong problema do'n dahil naiintindihan ko namang busy siya—busy rin naman ako. Pero I still have lots of time for him. S'yempre nag-commit ako sa kanya e' Ang masasabi ko lang, nagbago na siya. “Hey!” “Have you eaten?” “Sabay tayo pumasok bukas?” “I have something for you, tomorrow.” Sunod-sunod na chat ko sa kanya pero ni-isang tuldok ay wala itong reply kahit naka-online naman siya. I heaved a deep sigh. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon, nakalimutan nanaman niya 'yung anniversary namin. But, it's okay. Ang importante, ayos kaming dalawa. “Yep.” After approximately 40 minutes, that's his reply. 'Yep' huh? 'Yan na ba ang sagot niya sa lahat ng sinabi ko? Geez, so cold. Dahil likas na makulit ay muli akong nagtipa ng mensahe at nakangiting sinend iyon sa kanya. “I love you” It takes 5 minutes for him to reply, but his words was like cupid's arrow that struck my heart about trillion times. “I love you,” that's what he had said. Nagtatalon ako sa higaan dahil sa kilig. Did he just came back to his old self?—i mean, bumalik na 'yung sweetness niya? For real? Woah! Natigilan lang ako nang tumunog ang cellphone ko. It was Vince's message again. “Sorry, I forgot the D” a'niya na nagpakunot sa'king noo. What's with the letter D? “What do you mean?” Reply ko habang naka kunot parin ang noo. But the letter D he was saying made me understand—what he wants to signify, clearly. “You know...the difference between past and present...” Napakamot ako sa ulo at muling nagreply. “What? Sabihin mo na, ano ba 'yon?” “Ella, minahal kita. Pero sa bawat araw na hindi kita nakikita, nawawala na rin 'yung pagmamahal ko sa'yo. Sorry, I'm very sorry. Tapusin na natin 'to,” Unti-unting nanlamig ang buo kong katawan at tila estatwang napatitig na lamang sa screen ng cellphone. Paulit-ulit kong binasa iyon at paulit-ulit ring sakit ang naramdaman ko. “You're pranking me, Vince. I knew it, for our anniversary tomorrow?” Iyak tawa ako habang tinitipa iyon ngunit hindi ko pa man nase-send ay muli itong nag mensahe. “I'll be honest, I'm inlove with someone else.” I want to convince myself that he was just kidding. But the next words he had said, brought pain within my entire system. “I'm inlove with Ms. Rodriguez. The one who taught me how every letters became important...” Seriously? He's inlove with Ms. Rodriguez? He's inlove with our English teacher? “She loves me too,” dagdag pa niya. Tears starts to flow over my cheeks. “Pa'no naman ako?” I asked, confused. “I don't know. Find who's better, the one who deserves you.” Seriously? I hate him! “Why can't you just be that 'better' for me, Vince? Hindi ka ba p'wedeng maging better para maging deserving ka para sa'kin? Hindi ba p'wede 'yon?” At this point, I hate myself. Hindi ko alam kung saan ba ako nagkulang para iparamdam niya itong lahat sa akin. Humihikbi kong binasa ang sinabi nito. “I am a better person than before, Ella. And that's because of you but I want to say sorry, because I can't be the best so please...kalimutan mo na ako. Kalimutan mo na tayo.” Unti-unti akong nadudurog sa bawat salitang binibitawan nito. Nanginginig ang aking mga kamay nang pindutin ko ang reply button. Mariin akong napapikit at sinubukang kalmahin ang sarili. “Vince. Sa buong buhay mo, nagawa mo ba talaga akong mahalin?” My knees starts to wobble as I look at his last reply. “I loved you.” Last words he had said before blocking me. Ang pinakamasakit ay hindi ang pagtapos niya sa relasyon namin, iyon ay walang iba kun'di ang katotohanang hindi ako naging sapat para sa kanya. Gayunpaman, sapat na sa'kin ang malamang minsan niya rin akong minahal. Kahit pa hanggang dito nalang ang pagmamahal na 'yon. “I love(d) you”.