The One…not exactly?

Are you Single… by Choice … driven by… Society? or Bias? Yeah yeah yeah. Cliché topic I know. If you are with someone, I am curious is he “the one”?

If you are happily (or not) married, is your wife/husband the exact fit to your “standard” before you married him/her? Just seriously curious. The curiosity brought about by the story that goes….

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“Hey Miss S! Long time no see! Coffee!!!!”  

And so we went out for short break and had coffee. Miss S is my incredibly good friend for a long time. She is one of the bosses that knew how to get along with non-bosses.  She is one I would consider an older sister.

She is one of those friends I have the healthiest conversations with.

Healthy – because we always eat when we talk. Healthy also because after eating not only is my tummy full but so is my heart. The conversation that took place this time, though, hit my head hard.

The usual conversations circle around, dreams, aspirations, current state with our respective teams, projects, travels, and the glorious topic of love life. Both single at the time, we ranted and laughed about how crazy the usual lines we get for still being single. We circled on.

               “Andiyan lang siya sa tabi-tabi” (He is just somewhere near).

We were like,“Asan ba kasi yung tabi-tabi? Parang ang layo.” (Where exactly is “somewhere near” it seems far?)

Somewhere along the conversation, I was telling her that I am nearing that state of welcoming single-blessedness. The “what if I am really made to be single for life?”

Then she asks, “Is there really such a thing?”

To which of course I answered confidently, “Yes”.

Then she asks, “Is that really even in the Bible? Single-blessedness?”

I was stunned because although I would want to say, “Yes”, I am not confident if it really is there, and I cannot rack my brain either to come up with any verse close enough to support it.

“I think it really boils down to decision”, she says. “It is always still your choice.”

Then we talked about standards and the non-negotiables. Which are all good. And she goes,

“What if we’re limiting ourselves unknowingly not because of our bulleted and spoken standards but because we have subliminal standards that go with it?"

She continues, "Like for example, you want God-fearing, industrious, with job, mature, family-oriented all that is good.  But if a guy comes up to you, God-fearing, industrious, with job, mature, family-oriented but his job is something you know that earns less than what you are earning now, would that not affect your decision, or would he even be part of the roster?"

The playing field did seem to get narrower and narrower as she throws in scenarios after scenarios.

"What if he is working a noble job of being a shoe-shiner and you have settled yourself with that, but you know you will deal with the other part of the scenarios – will he blend with your friends, your family, etcetera. What if we are forcing and limiting ourselves to one that fits a certain mold but 'The One' is made not to fit that exact mold?"

We ended with that question and years after, it still rings in my head. Miss S, however, found her “The One” months after our conversation true enough “dun sa tabi-tabi” (somewhere near) literally because he lives few blocks away from her house.

I remembered a Filipino movie, “Ikaw Lamang Hanggang Ngayon” where one of the characters said,

ang babaeng minamahal ng tunay ay parang tsinelas. kase naaakit tayo ng mga bagong sapatos - dahil sa balat o dahil sa bagong style, pero kahit gaano kaganda yang sapatos na yan, pagdating natin sa bahay, sabik na sabik tayong magtsinelas

ispesyal na tsinelas yan. alam mo kung bakit tsinelas? kase pag natagpuan mo na yung babaeng tunay mong mamahalin, pares na kayo. walang silbi yung isa kung wala yung isa. dapat pares...

Source: https://tinyurl.com/p26s42vm

“It should be a pair.”

And I have been reconciling that with our conversation while browsing through the pictures as well in my hard drive.

What if …?

What if we are limiting ourselves to finding the exact match or “pair” when he is of a different mold? . . .

What if you are a flip flop and he is…. @_0

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This picture was taken in San Juan, La Union a long time ago. In my excitement to travel with my friends, I was not able to bring my flip flops with me. The first agenda when we got there was to go buy one in the market. So I bought one. While sitting on the sand with my friends and talking, I noticed the guy. I said something is awfully familiar with the guy. Yep… familiar.

Thank you for reading! So..

If you are with someone, I am curious is he “the one”?