Staying Happy With Insurmountable Problems

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Avatar for Peter-Molnar
3 years ago
Topics: Life, Blog, Thoughts

Do we sometimes feel, that we have insurmountable problems? When we've tried everything, but we can't find a solution to our problems. We are faced with the problem. We can call them in many different ways. Difficulty, crisis, bad family relationships and so on. So there is the problem, which is given.

What comes next as a second step? The solution. We try to find a way out of the given problem, but I don't mean running away from it, I mean facing it and trying to come out victorious by finding a solution.

The third step is to feel better. We have lifted a big weight off our shoulders and we are relieved. That's all well and good, but in life we don't just have one problem, we have several problems, which may be smaller problems, than the one we've solved, but they're still there, but we feel better, even though we live with the remaining smaller problems and that's fine with us.

Let's call this kind of solution a middle-way naïve solution. Imagine we have a really big problem, that is vitally important to solve. So we look for the solution to the problem in the naïve model, hoping and knowing, that solving the problem will make us feel better.

What actually happens is, when we get to the bottom of our problem, when we find that we can't get out of it, we hit rock bottom, because it just knocks us down. Yet we struggle to get out of it and try endlessly to find different solutions to make ourselves feel better, but none of the attempts to find a solution lead to a good solution.

Because we cannot find a way out with the right solution, it makes us feel bad. This is just what happens in a really big crisis situation. However, what makes us feel bad is not the problem itself, but the fact that we can't find the right solution and keep failing. It is our attempts to find a solution, that make us feel bad, not the problem. This puts us in impossible situations and makes us feel helpless.

There is something missing in our attempts to solve the problem, that we do not realize. Think about it more. When two people argue regularly and each time it escalates into a fight, the regularity of the argument means, that after a while they are not fighting, because they have a problem, but because of the way they relate to each other. They constantly blame each other for something and far from the root of the real problem, they become enemies of each other, instead of caring about the problem.

There is the problem of addicted people, for example. There is the problem of being addicted, looking for a solution and getting better from it. It's the middle way naive way of thinking about solving the problem. There are people who live their whole lives with their problem unsolved, because they think it is unsolvable. Does that make them feel good? Do they live a happy life?

I have already said above that they do not, but I must say here that, despite this, there are people, who feel very well and live happily together despite their insoluble problems. How is that possible?

Usually these disagreements stem from a fundamental difference in values, a difference in personality, a difference in basic needs. Totally different people can thrive in constant disagreement. The answer to the above question is very simple. They have learned to live with their insoluble problems.

I know exactly what you're thinking. You have the idea, that they are living with it, that they have simply accepted, that their problem is insoluble and that they have no choice, but to accept that this is how they have to live their lives.

It is not the case at all. It's the other way around. It's not that they are resigned to living happily ever after, because resigning themselves to it is not the solution to the problem. It is a very wrong attitude and approach. If you have a problem, don't just walk away from it and live as it does not exist, because the problem is still there. The solution is, that one of the people arguing is not the same person, who was arguing when they started to solve the problem.

If I remain the same person, who had the problem, then if it breaks, if it ruptures, I will be no better. I can only get better by changing. The problem in question affects me differently as a changed person. Not in the same way as before, because I have a different attitude, a different way of thinking about it. Otherwise I would not be better. That doesn't solve the problem, it's true, but anyone, who has learned to live with an unsolvable problem has undergone a radical change.

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3 years ago
Topics: Life, Blog, Thoughts

Comments

Problem is inevitable.. we can't avoid them to happen.. because they are all part of our challenges in life.. but I believe that every problem has a solution..

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3 years ago

Yes problems always happen. My mom had a problem with her back the doctor said they cannot help, but my mom has to learn to live with it. Fortunately it does not seem to be a problem anymore. She did not panic and lived with it and now she is fine. :)

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3 years ago

I always and still believe that every problem has its solution and if it does not have a solution, then it's not a problem and we shall learn to live with it..

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3 years ago

Yes that is the main message here to live with it no to resign to it. Thank you for reading.

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3 years ago

That's a really nice message, the sooner we accept and realize the fact, the better. Thanks for sharing. :)

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3 years ago

I think that everything has a solution if we are able to find out what the real problem is. Then we will focus on finding the solution. If that is what we really want. Otherwise we just let it go.

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3 years ago

Yes the key phrase in your comment is "if we are able to find out what the real problem is". Perfect comment and makes sense. :) Thanks as always.

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3 years ago