Assertiveness In Different Areas Of Life

Being assertive is about standing up, speaking out, taking ownership of how you feel, what you need and what you're not okay with. Most people view assertiveness in a bad light and see it as a form of aggression. But in reality, assertiveness is a win-win in all situations and it can contribute to a significant boost in well-being and happiness levels. Assertiveness is an emotion, that life experiences rather than a personality trait. We need self-esteem, not just to live well, but because it provides one with the confidence necessary to embrace the truest aspects of being human.

If you're trying to learn how to effectively assert yourself, my suggestion is to go with the natural flow of life. Don't force yourself to master assertiveness just because you feel like you should. Whenever you encounter something, that makes you uncomfortable, take a deep breath and think through the most challenging situation you can imagine. After you've thought through the situation, find the most assertive way for you to speak about it. In this article we are going to look at assertiveness in different areas of life.

Health And Wellbeing

When we talk about assertiveness, we're really talking about how you deal with conflict and how you're able to navigate the many interpersonal situations, that you're likely to face. It's not a trait, that can be learned through books, it's a set of life skills, that have to be practiced and developed.

We all deal with conflict differently. Some people take a more avoidant approach, disengaging from the conflict and searching for a way to change the subject. Other people take more of a confrontational approach, engaging in the conflict and arguing their point with the other person, even if it means putting their own interests second.

But all conflict is not the same. There is a wide variance between how people respond to interpersonal conflict. Some people take more physical, some take more psychological, and some people even take more passive kinds of approaches. It's all a matter of how much energy you're willing to commit. People at different energy levels will respond in different ways.

For example, take anger. Some people are capable of holding a great deal of anger, and will usually respond with anger when provoked. Other people cannot tolerate even a small amount of anger, and will respond with disengagement. Yet others will actively avoid any opportunity for conflict and as a result will never experience any.

Assertiveness In Relationships

In a relationship, assertiveness is all about communication. How you communicate your needs, what you need from the other person and whether you're being listened to and respected. While there are certainly other factors that come into play, primarily these are the factors that tend to get overlooked. There are ways to effectively communicate with others and then there are ways, that are aggressive or undermining. The latter are pretty self-explanatory. The former may get misinterpreted.

How you make your needs and wants known depends on the context and whether it's something you need to do or something you're just wanting to do. For example, you can make a needs-based request such as "Could you pick up the dry cleaning?" or you can make a want-based request such as "Would you like to go to the fair with me?" It all really depends on what you're trying to achieve, but more often than not, people will make the wrong choice or don't communicate effectively and a relationship will end up badly.

When you're communicating, there's the give and take of the interaction. You're doing the asking, the other person is doing the answering. If the answer is no, that's the end of it. You can't make the other person do anything, that they're unwilling to do.

If that's the case, then how you deal with a no will largely determine how you're going to respond to the situation. How you respond depends on how you made the other person feel. If you were to be very pushy and take the interaction to a confrontation, that could have the opposite effect, that you're looking for. At the same time, if you respond in a very submissive manner, you're likely to receive a similar response in kind.

The best way to respond to a no is to find out what the other person needs in order to say yes and give it to them.

Assertiveness At Work

At work, assertiveness means doing what you're good at and what you enjoy doing. You work hard, and you let your work ethic and your talent talk for you. You're good at what you do and your boss respects that. If you have a promotion to a higher position, you'll be recognized as a leader among your peers and given more responsibility. If you're passed over for a promotion, you'll have the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and grow from them.

The hardest part about being assertive is letting your ego get in the way. There's nothing wrong with being ambitious, wanting to do well, and having high goals. The problem lies in being to eager to make yourself seem like you're better, than you really are. People will see right through it and your boss will be the first to know.

Assertiveness In Difficult Situations

In the real world, we all have to deal with a great deal of uncertainty. We can't always know for certain what the consequences of our actions will be. We can't always know what other people will do and in the worst-case scenario, we could always be wrong. No matter how you try and plan for every eventuality, there's always that chance that you'll face a situation where you have to react without thinking.

When that happens, you don't have time to be assertive. You need to be able to make snap decisions. You need to be able to think on your feet. These things are not the same. Being assertive means having the confidence to let your beliefs and opinions influence the way you interact with other people. When you're in a position of being able to influence other people, you have to decide for yourself: Will I be assertive or will I be a pushover?

The Benefits Of Assertiveness

The ability to be assertive comes with its own set of perks. You're in control of your life. You're not at the mercy of your circumstances. You're not dependent on the approval of others. You don't have to prove yourself to be worthy of being liked. You don't have to try so hard to be who everybody else wants you to be.

These are all very appealing things, but of course they aren't without their downsides. You don't have to worry about being liked by others, but you also can't care less what others think. As far as you're concerned, they can all go to hell. You have to try to strike a balance between being assertive and being aggressive.

In general, being assertive will make people like you more. It will also make you more successful in life. They say "like attracts like". When you're being yourself, you're less likely to be disappointed in life.

However, not everyone will like you. Not everyone will approve of what you're doing with your life and some might even try to do you harm. So you can't take chances in how you're being perceived. You just have to find that perfect balance between being yourself and being liked.