Mesmerizing : Opening The Weekend With A Comedy

So many years ago, when food was cheap and people could get as much food as they desire. Three friends decided to show who eats the best meals by the smell of their farts. 

Those days, it was believed that the more offensive the smell of your fart is, in interpretation, the better the meal you have eaten. 

The argument took week day until the three friends, Ekene, Maruf, and Agbo, decided to settle the scuffle in an open field. The trio fixed a date and invited everyone in the community. 

Since it would take three weeks before the competition, Ekene the Igbo man, went straight to eat all sorts of traditional foods. He ate white soup and fufu, such that it is fermented before it is made. Such fufu could smell from a distance. He was trying to see which meals would produce the most offensive smell. 

Maruf, a Hausa man, made a lot of form meals with green soup made from Dogo Yaro leaves. He knew how smelly that could be. He tried so many recipes to test his farting power. Believe me, those parts of gis could pull down mount Kilimanjaro. 

While Ekene and Maruf were busy preparing for the D day, Agbo had no issues, he was just having his regular fun. He would attend parties during the weekend and ensure he tasted everything that was served. Sometimes, he would concede to taking beer and at times, he would take gin too. 

During these three weeks, Ekene began to grow a pot belly because of the large intake of food. When his uncle noticed it, he simply told him that his little income is paying off. But on the contrary, Ekene knew what he had been involved in these few weeks. 

For Agbo, he settled for black amala (black yam flour) with soup made of locust beans with jute leaf. It is a special delicacy for his tribe, those of southern Nigeria. 

Maruf was already built with a round belly like a geepee tank. His wife had always had to bear the series of farts he has to release every night when they are in the bed. 

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The night before the competition, the trio met in an open square with spectators waiting to hear their bragging rights against the finals which would be held in the presence of many people. 

Agbo took the microphone and was about to greet his fan like he was a superstar, but it was the sound of a fart from his anus that greeted them. The spectators laughed and clapped their hands. He was done with his introduction. 

Ekene did come with his A-game but of the three, it was Maruf that made a point by greeting the spectators with a long sound of a fart. His presentation was a class of its own. With this as a preamble, the people were convinced that they would give a great show.

Now, the stage is set. The people are ready.

Ekene was the first to mount the stage. He came simply and requested that he be given some space. All the ushers around the stage had to go down. Then he began to fart. It didn't smell as such. There was a loud round of applause and Ekene concluded his show.

The next to present was Agbo. He did better than Ekene and got a round of applause too. 

Finally, the turn of Maruf came. He was sure prepared for this. He wanted to leave a mark and to prove a point that his tribe's men eat the best meals. 

Straight to business. He beat his potbelly in some sort of way that he began to sweat in an air-conditioned hall. Then, the first fart with now noise, then the second and third respectively. Suddenly, everywhere went silent as the odour moved like an Osmosis experiment in the laboratory.

It smelled so bad that the central transformer collapsed and the power supply was cut off. While the organizers were still looking for a solution, the plastic seats they sat on began to melt like wax. Everyone in the hall began to move out, including Agbo and Ekene. 

A large frame of the picture of the owners of the hall that was used for the contest began to move like there was a great storm. You cannot imagine that the images moved their hands and covered their nose. No one waited for the results of the contest to be announced. They all gave it to Maruf. 

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First Published Here