Me, Myself, and My Flaws
Nobody's perfect.
The beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Does it ring a bell? Well, these are the words I often told myself everytime people would mock me because I am not pretty. I grew up full of insecurities.
I have 2 more siblings. I am the eldest and among us three, I would say that I am the ugly one. That's how other people made me feel of my self, that I am ugly. Unlike my sisters, I have dark complexion. And it is one of my flaws.
Dark Complexion
I was often called "negra" and "aeta" because of the color of my skin. My classmates and even my playmates would make fun of me because of having a dark skin. There was an instance that one of my classmate in elementary told me that I don't belong in the city and I should have stayed in the mountains where people like me lives. I cried while most of my classmates were laughing. I was bullied, laughed at, because of my color. Even inside our house, my relatives would teased me that I am just adopted.
Flat Nose
From the time I was little, I knew that my nose is not beautiful. I have a flat nose. A typical Asian nose.
I remember one time, my mother went to her friend's house and she tagged me along. Her friend told me, "You know what Ne, you're actually not a bad looking girl, but you have a flat nose. Why don't you start pinching the bridge and tip of your nose, it might change because you're still young. "
I was only 8 at that time but I feel so offended. But yes, I followed what she told me. I started pinching my nose and even use clothespin and clip my nose with it. Because of that, my nose turns bloody red and swell. Then my mother asked me what did I do, so I told her that I pinched my nose using clothespin. She hugged me and told me to stop doing it. That I am pretty even if I have a flat nose. And then I cried.
"Pandak" or Midget and Fat
My height is 5" while my sisters were 5"3 and 5"6 and they're both skinny and faired skin. I don't know where I got my features but one thing is for sure, I am not blessed with good features.
That is the reason why I am so obssesed with high heels before. Because it somehow added to my height and I look slimmer when I wear those. I can wear a 7 inches high heels, may it be a slipper, rubber shoes or stilletos.
But one incident made me stop wearing it. I went to a mall with friends. And when it's time for us to go home I tripped off in the stairs because of my high heeled shoes. And how humiliating was that. After that incident, I never dared wearing high heeled shoes again.
I was in my twenties when I started to become more accepting of how I looked. I became more confident and didn't care what others have to say about me. They have nothing to do with my life anyway so why would I care.
If I may have to borrow Cristina Aguillera's song,
I am beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can't bring me down.
I am beautiful
In every single way
No words can't bring me down.
We are all beautiful, regardless of the color of our skin, the shape of our nose, height weight, bust size. We have to embrace our flaws and learn to love ourself. And thats all that matters.
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This is my entry to @Theblackdoll 's writing prompt Insecurities.
Date Published: December 21, 2021
All Photos are mine unless stated otherwise
This may sound like the craziest thing, but I think you are an absolutely, remarkably beautiful woman, and you have NOTHING to be concerned about. Not from where I am sitting. If I were younger, and a single man, you would most definitely have been on my radar. 😎