What Would You Do?

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Please, for the umpteenth time, never settle for a guy because he is just fine, please, go for something deeper. Only those in it can tell you what they are facing but most people fall into the wrong hands based on pressure from family and friends or even the pressure they put on themselves because their friends are getting married.

I have said it many times, marriage is not an achievement as many people think. I know achievement is relative but what I am saying is that shouldn't be your only life's goal. If you are married, so what? What's next? Does that mean we don't have those who are married and achieved so much? It's the same way we have those who married and achieved so much more so it is more about you than about finding someone to complete you. You are not broken so you don't need fixing.

This is why we need to take the time to understand and study our partners. Don't get swayed by the feelings because most people easily get carried away by them. By all means, enjoy the feelings and give it your best but watch out for the warning signs. I already shared many weeks ago about the kind of questions you need to ask your partner before things get serious because that's how you will understand what you are going to be in for.

You can't know all you have to know about a person but at least know the tangibles that would help you make an informed decision about your future together. As lovey-dovey as I can be, I know when to be brutal with my assessment when it comes to the matter of my heart. What I don't want in my future I don't want to tolerate it now.

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I've had to break up with a lady many years ago because the influence of her mother over her was too much and I wasn't asking her to be rebellious but simply for her to show her mother by also making reasonable choices that would make her understand that she is matured.

I would give her advice on what to do and she wouldn't do it and the more this lingers the more her mother lost faith in her and it hurts to see all efforts being wasted. The shocking thing is, her mother didn't even dominate her younger sister as she did with her and that's where I knew there was a problem and I wouldn't want that in my life. When it comes to the matter of the heart, I owe no one apology because I have to do what's best for me and oh boy, I did.

Many years down the line I was proved right yet again because up till today, her mother still dominate her even while being married, she got a beating from her mother because I am still friends with a mutual friend we both have and that one opened the can of worms by telling me how things are going. Apparently, her mother forced her to marry the guy she married and she left the boyfriend she was dating. So, because she was unhappy and still didn't communicate with her mother regarding the state of her heart, she married this guy but while still being married she was having secret sex with the boyfriend she left back then at the instruction of her mother, in her matrimonial home.

Another real-life story came to mind as I was writing this and this is why I keep stressing all I've been stressing.

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A newly wedded couple had the first challenging test of their marriage when a major decision threatened their marriage. The wife earns way more than the husband and it's something they never addressed before because they felt they would be fine. One day, the husband was asked to relocate to another branch that is completely different from where they reside. Rather than having a meaningful discussion as to how they would navigate that moment of their lives, the husband told the wife to resign from her work and move with him into the new location.

Even with the new location this man is going to and the obvious pay rise, the wife would still be earning far more than him yet he said she should quit her job. It's obvious that the guy had resentment that the wife earns more than him and he wanted to use this opportunity to cage her by asserting his "authority" as a man. It would have been easier on the lady if her office had a branch where they are to go to only that way she would have r requested for transfer on marriage ground.

This is why I mentioned in my article yesterday that marriage is indeed a risk because there is no telling sometimes how someone would react to certain situations. This decision shouldn't be a hard one to make if only they would both sit down and address how they can do it. Are they both happy with their jobs? Can they shuttle weekends for a while before deciding what to do? How long would they do the shuttling before they finally break that stress? Can she be given a year at least to still keep that job while the husband would go to where he is going and then look for opportunities for her there IF they both agreed that they wanted to move?

Are they financially stable enough for them to make the wife go over there and take a job that pays less or can the wife's salary help them for a while so that the husband can state his case with his company by not taking up the new branch and if they reject it, at least till he can start looking for another job where they are currently?

There are so many aspects of this that should be covered which I, unfortunately, can't cover because it's not a decision that should be made in a hurry. Both have the right in the home and the husband shouldn't have to throw his wife under the bus because he is the man. Marriage is all about sacrifices and they must find what works for them best.

What would you do as a man or as a woman in this situation bearing in mind that you are a couple and you are on the same team? I would love to read your objective comments.

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Thank you for your time.