So as you guys know, I've been operated months ago, like 10 months ago. Whenever I feel the pressure, my body were reacting and that's where I'll feel that I don't feel well. My body will rest up early, I'll find things heavy to finish, I can easily get tired and all I can feel is... there's a pressure inside of me where I can't easily get rid off.

This feeling is all started when I got my operation, it's easy to me to pit myself under pressure and I don't know why. Sometimes I want to understand everything but this one is stopping me for thst kind of thing, I felt like I have no enough energy for today to continue everything, to continue my day, to continue the rest of the time. I want something so comfortable, I want something that can make my tummy so comfortable.

Last night, I slept for like 4 hours and when I woke up, I still want to sleep. So I slept for like another 4 hours and when I woke up again, I know that I don't feel well. I even put my girdle back because of my tummy's pressure.

Whenever that I feel this way, all I want is to rest up and let the things flow for a moment it's because I really feel weak. I'm not even on the mood to say a word, or to say speak one word. I want this eyes of mine to rest up, my body to rest up. But nvm, I'm not even sure why I feel this way.

I really feel so weak today and even last day 🥲, I can't explain what kind of feeling that I feel. I just feel weak. I hate this feeling eversince that I got operated, jusko mga ate yung tahi ko until now ang sakit sa loob.

Everytime that I can feel this, it feels like there's a pressure inside of me where I don't want to feel anymore, something heavy, something that I can't explain. My body just feel weak, yes.

I just think that maybe this one is a side effect, since my left ovary was gone already and I have right ovary left. I can't even eat pork, or anything that has so many oil on it because of my PCOS. I can get allergies easily and acne whenever that I'm eating something oily, my obgyne even told me to avoid eating them and eat more veggies and fruits.

I can't deny the fact that I envy those people who can eat what they want.

A every little steps of mine.

• There are times where I really feel weak, where the weakness and tiredness are driving me into the corner. There are times where the sadness and self insecurities are not leaving me, and there a times where my body can easily caught pressure than it was before.

I have a baby steps where am I trying to do my best to be good at anything, where I am trying to surpassed my limit, but it was all ended up like I was tired during that day and I don't feel well. Where I am just resting 24/7 without finishing every little things.

Everytime that tiredness or fatigue were dragging me into the corner, I want to tell my partner that I don't feel well, or I'm not feeling well, but yeah... it's just me who was afraid to voice everything?

I don't know why I'm thinking this way but, I'm afraid to voice out. I am afraid to tell her about what I feel, or what I really feel. Maybe because, I don't want to cause any headache to hee since I'm just naninirahan lang dito.

I'm not aware that everything will change when I undergo surgery, like I became moody, I can feel tiredness easily whenever that my tummy are not feeling well. Sometimes, I am asking myself if it's wrong that I undergo surgery, or I'm not? Because if I didn't, for sure right now I'm already dead.

My left ovary where the cyst is can't stand any longer, it was soon to be raptured when I scheduled myself to undergo surgery, my doctor said if it burst out then there's a high rate that I'll be positive of what they called cancer and I may not be able to be cured. I'm already aware about it, that the cancer can spread to my body, but still I didn't pay attention to it because all I was thinking is I want to leave this world behind where all of my heartache is present.

But then again, God didn't allowed me to take my own life or to be dead.

Why everytime you want to ended up everything, something is coming up and that one is saving you again?

By the way, as am I writing this I also doing my module, a multi-tasker yes. I still have 11 days before my midterm and I need to finish everything up. So I guess, I need to put more focus and more tension answering them starting now so that I can legally finished and send them through their email when the time comes.

Final Thoughts

• I don't even know that my time management will be affected so bad. I still have many case digest to finish and I don't know why I have this kind of activity when I am taking a course of BS Office Administration.

Some users here are from that course also and I know they already knew how hard to study to that subject since the major or main subject was gregg shortgand or what they called steno.