So last day, after I published my article about the Goals, I go offline all of sudden and do some of house chores. I buy 1 pack of siomai that cost 100php or 2$, I sliced them into the small once and buy another pack of Tender Juicy hotdog that cost 150 or 3$ and also sliced them into small parts.

I don't know hot to cook, and I don't have any idea about cooking but I have this skills where I try to mix everything then try to cook and eat them. Actually it taste so good after hehe.

After cooking and mixing them with rice, I sliced the remaining once so that I can fried them with a pancit canton. I don't eat too much but lately I am craving for something and I can't figure out what is it.

I'm craving to tangerine, I'm also craving to sampaloc. Ahh, Idk...

After cooking them, I already set aside the things and take a bath. After taking a bath, I help my niece into her module to finish eveeything. Her deadline is on this friday and she has her module for like 1 months or more than that but she didn't do it, what she do is to handle her phone and play games all day.

And yeah, having this kind of niece is something that I don't want to consider. She's too lazy to do what she needs to do. Next time is always present to her and all she has to say is, "Later.". But sooner is better than later right? Look, she's in panic when the deadline is near. Instead of answering them on her own, she will asked her classmates about their answers and just copy them. It's sad to know that she's lazy to study when the Modular learning starts, I tried to asked her and she said she prefer the face to face learning than the modular once. I understand her since answering module or blended learning is actually a huge adjustment that everyone needs to take off.

I mean, they'll announced about the gadgets that we need then later on they will announced that they already approved the face to face learnimg. How was the people who's having a hard time to pay back all of their debts because the government required gadgets for online class?

And all of us having a hard time adjusting due of pandemic. We don't have enough money to go required the school supplies since we buy gadgets for the one who needs it. I hope DepEd understand it.

But nvm, the face to face was still suspended.

Okay so let's continue.

After helping her, I already gone eating. And that's where my nightmare starts.

Everything went smoothly. I don't feel anything about my teeth and it doesn't hurt, my teeth was hurting days ago but after days also it became better, so I thought it will never cameback.

I still remember having a toothache years ago, it was april 23rd, 2015.

Before this happened, I dream of a scene where there is a grave in their house. I told my mother about this scene and she just told me that I'm just dreaming.

I can't sleep all night and it didn't go well, I always getting up for the whole night to get an ice pack and to put it into my cheeks. The whole night was normal, nothing abnormal appears not until it was 4am already. My father was already up to make some buko juice, because during my junior high we have a business called buko juice.

All of sudden, my neighbor which is one of my uncle who's already on her 50's called us. Calling for help and he said someone is hanging up into their 2nd floor.

My father rushed there and also me, I also rushed into their house and go to the 2nd floor where it was and I saw one of their older brother hanged up. Maybe he hanged up for like 3-4hoirs or more than that? He looks bad already.

His tounge is already out of her mouth and he looks really pale. His lips were already violet amd his neck also, I'm about to passed out when someone grab my hand out of that room and give me a water to drink. He told me to stay calm and he told me that I need to keep thinking that I saw nothing so that I can feel good.

Ater that scene, I didn't fall asleep for like 3 days. I'm also afraid to take a bath because it's always appearing inside my mind. That was the traumatic scene where I said, I'll never do that on myself.

I'm a suicidal, but because of that, I'm afraid to took my ownlife because I don't want to look like what he looks like.

Take note:

He was cheerful, he's always happy. You can't see him being in a problematic situation where you can actually see that he has a problem. I always see him smiling, I always see him happy, I always see him being in a good mood. So it didn't slide to my mind that he can actually took his own life.

I'm still not suicidal during this time, I'm still not depressed and I'm actually fine. 2016 is the year where the happy me was always around, where the happy me was already disappeared this day.

2016 is the year, where the last time I felt happy. It was thebyear where my positivity is active, not until everything gone slowly when 2017 starts.

Maybe life was really unpredictable, we didn't know when will be the last time that I'll be happy. Or when will be the last time that we live, that we stay positive or when will be the last time that we will feel okay.

Life is really full of unpredictable moments, it's funny to think that whether we tried to be happy or we tried to be us everyday, we ended up breaking down because of a problems.

Author's Note:

This is the only time where I realized that my cousin has a same actions like my uncle. I didn't noticed it at all not until she took her own life because of her problems. I don't know what kind of problem she had but actually, I hate it seeing her in pain. She's the chilliest person that I always want to be.

Please keep asking the people around you if they are too happy for just one day, we don't know when will the last time that they'll be here beside us. We also don't know when will be the last time that they will be there for us. It's so unpredictable, and I really hate to admit it that not all of us can stay where we are...because in the end, each us will leave this world.

By:OfficialGamboaLikeUs.