@Nico91 12 December 2022

When you lose your dearest soul, suddenly, you have no other alternative but to live in a world you no longer recognize. It's dark even when the sun is in the sky. You feel alone even when you are surrounded by the world. You just exist, you no longer know your identity. You see life unfolding before your eyes in a beautiful world and you try to reach out to touch it. But you can't. The people around live their lives and have no other worries, at least not such a terrible one. You try to live in that world too, you put on a fake smile and pretend you're interested. But it hurts too much and it's inhumanly tiring, so you better isolate yourself. It would be nice to be able to change places with someone else, to stop feeling constantly tormented by the loss suffered, by dark thoughts and by the terrible longing. It's terrible when you see that others go on with their lives, laugh, make plans and have dreams, when you are stuck in time. You continue from inertia, with a pain so deep that you don't even realize where it springs from. It is invisible to others. But it's always there, in you. And it hurts constantly. The world tells you nonsense like "He is always with you, in your heart". But it's not HERE, aievea. It doesn't warm you at all that others have a living person next to them, but you are asked to be content with your memories. It seems like it's been so long since you last heard his voice, but at the same time it seems like it was yesterday. You feel like you've been abandoned to haunt this unknown world alone, but you also feel guilty that you still exist without your dearest soul. This is mourning, a huge bundle of tangled feelings and emotions. And you need time, patience and care to survive. Grief is an extraordinarily lonely journey when you are the only person who truly understands the horror of this soulful experience.