To Be A Man.

I have recently stumbled upon a teacher that opened my eyes to the errors of my old ways. He is an all rounder, a well read gentleman, versed in all things masculinity and men's health.

He usually talks about how men who refuse to build their masculine frame are always found wanting in the things of life. Relationship, money and life in general.

His teachings opened my eyes on the flaws of my past, how I had on many occasions abandoned my purpose as a man and made a woman the center of my world and my priority. Before I stumbled upon this teacher, I could swear that the women were the problem, I could swear that I did everything I had to do, I could swear it was never my fault, none of it ever was, from the looks of things.

Well, imagine how wrong I was, of course the problem was me. The interesting is, during my period of blaming, I never saw things from the perspective that this my new teacher had opened my eyes to.

See, women are followers, they are meant to be led, they dont have it in their capacity to be leaders or co-leaders. You are supposed to lead while they follow and this is where building your frame as a man comes into play.

Once you have it all worked out, you have every screw of your life pieced together, a woman is then supposed to come and slot in. Dont get it twisted, they arent coming in to complete you, they arent coming in to be the final piece of your puzzle, they are coming in to marvel at what you have built, and then work towards being a lifelong part of that which you have built.

Young men of this generation always get it confused, chasing after women and getting their lives all tangled up, instead of chasing their purpose and building themselves up. This is where I have found myself for most of my life as an adult male.

I didnt understand how it was supposed to work, because I had no guidance, thus I didn't know much about masculinity and what is required. Below are some of the things I have learnt from personal experience in corroboration with what this teacher has taught me.

1. A young man is supposed to focus on himself, leave women and relationship alone. He is focusing on building his mental frame by reading widely and consuming lots of content on masculinity, so as to know what ought to be and whats not ought to be when he comes of age for women.

He is supposed to focus on building his finances and material holdings, so as to have some material value as a man. This gives him a lifelong focus to continue working on and also provide him with the material resources to provide for a woman and his offspring when the time becomes right.

2. A man should always aim to marry a virgin, or at least, a woman who hasn't been tainted beyond repair. Marrying a virgin or a woman with very few body counts means you are marrying a woman who hasn't been messed up psychologically by her experiences with those other men.

Chances are high that a woman with more than 5 body counts has had an abortion at least once. Chances are also high that such women would have been heartbroken and had gotten emotionally depressed by at least two men in her life, thus stiffening her up emotionally and psychologically.

Chances are also high that this woman would have been penetrated by different sizes of penises and would have indulged in some crazy sexual activities. Do you understand where I am heading to? Do you understand what you would be getting yourself into?

If you aren't, let me make it clear to you. You would be getting yourself tangled with a war veteran whose private places and emotions have seen more wars and excitement than you can possibly compete with. So, you have a woman who would constantly and secretly compare you with men in her past and sometimes she'd wish she could experience some of those times again. All these, while you are wearing yourself out, working towards making her happy. Desist.

3. Having talked about marrying a virgin, a man should always aim to date or marry a woman 5 years or more younger than he is. This can not be overemphasized and many men make this mistake including myself.

One of the reasons this is important to note is, women age quicker than men physiologically, thus, marrying a woman a year or two years younger than yourself physiologically is a bad idea in the long run, because men age like wine while women age like milk. A man in his 50s still has his best life ahead of him, while a woman in her 50s already has her best years behind her.

Another reason for this point is, a woman naturally looks up to and follow the lead of a stronger and older figure; male figure. So, you don't want to marry/date a woman who is in close proximity with you in terms of age.

You are always gonna be at wars of superiority, she can't submit totally if she thinks both of you are age mates.

4. Your In-laws aren't your relatives. I cant lie, the first time I heard this, I couldn't wrap my brain around it because it made little logical sense to me at the time, that's because logical doesn't explain everything. Sometimes while you are trying to explain everything using logic as an apparatus, real life experience comes along and kicks you in the balls.

Take heed, your in-laws aren't your relatives. If you are married, keep your business as far away as possible from them, make sure nothing brings them to your place unannounced and nothing happening in your household spills over to them.

...to be continued.