@MoonieOnNoiseApp 15 December 2022

I have spoken to the stars about you, but they are unable to listen to me because they have passed away. I've spread the word about you far and wide, and no, it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm head over heels in love with you. The reason for this is that they are the only people I can discuss you with. I cannot express to anyone else how badly I want to be in your arms except for them. If I were to tell them this, I am confident that they would not judge me negatively in any way. When I think of you, time stands still for me. I can only tell those people that when I'm in a bind, I find myself repeating your name over and over again throughout the day, and that when I do that, I feel as though I've been transported back in time. Your recollections are comparable to a violent storm that occurs around midnight. They follow me around all night and force me up the cliff without letting up the pressure. It hurts more because I know that while I'm struggling against the powerful currents of my own feelings, you're probably in bed, not remembering any of this, not remembering anything you've done to me, and most certainly not admitting any of your sneaky games. While I'm struggling against the strong currents of my own feelings, you're probably in bed, not remembering anything you've done to me. There are those evenings when it seems as though the stars are being cruel, crueler even than the twitching humans who, if I told them, would uncomfortably smile and pat me on the back; the seraphic bodies listen calmly and merely blink in response. I am aware that I have promised myself that I will never squander time being pleased for no apparent reason. However, when I take a look around and notice that other people are loving in the same manner that I once said "I love you," I can't help but feel a bit unsure of myself. However, the only place I can have a change of heart is in the seclusion of my room and with the doors closed. When I consider the possibility of you learning how I continue to feel for you, it makes me want to throw up, so I avoid making eye contact with you. I don't ask other people for consolation because I don't believe I deserve it and I don't want to hear more of what I already know and have given up on. Therefore, I don't seek consolation from other people. I eliminated every reminder of your repulsive presence in my life, but I was unable to erase the imprint you left on me. Even now, there is a small part of me that is reluctant to release even the most insignificant of our shared memories. Even though it seeps away like water from a cracked clay vase, my self-control is still present and will continue to be so in the future. The more time that passes, the further apart we are from one another, and the less likely it is that I will be able to contact you again. However, I brought all of this onto myself. I was well aware that your currents would cause my demise; but, I plunged in headfirst regardless, simply to have a feel for what it would be like to bring about my own demise. It's possible that I thought I could handle it, or that I would just swim away when things got too much for me to handle. Since I am no longer under danger outside of these walls, I am free to admit to my own stupidity in the privacy of my own thoughts. My ship will never stop teetering on the edge of capsize, and for as long as the tumultuous sea known as "the heartbreak" continues, I know that I will be rocked back and forth along with it. For the time being, all I can do is gaze at the night sky. Ishhhh good night 😶