The Pain of Motherhood

Miss Universe Sushmita Sen from India said that the true essence of being a woman is the ability to share love and shows a man what love, caring, and sharing are all about. With the woman being the origin of a child, able to grow another human being. Her answer was on point and was the reason for her reigning as the Miss Universe year 1994.

Today's topic is all about the pain of motherhood. There's indeed joy and happiness when a baby is born, this wonderful event is something beautiful, it is a miracle and deserves to be celebrated. So talking about the pain of motherhood may sound absurd but this is reality. There's a lot of pain a mother goes through from the onset of her pregnancy and beyond giving birth. I would like to share with you a few of these based on my experience as a first-time mother.

Giving Birth

Let's not deal with the pre-delivery as this phase is nothing compared to the postnatal, don't get me wrong, there are other challenging pregnancies and I am not taking that for granted, I am just stating this based on normal and uncomplicated pregnancies.

So the first on the list would be giving birth. From the water bag breaking to the labor until pushing, there's a whole lot of pain no one had said before. It's a different type of pain, it has been said that when a mother goes through child labor, the pain is compared to breaking several bones in the body.

Giving birth means a mother's life is 50/50, she is risking her life although today, there is a lesser number of deaths during labor that's why, she needs the ultimate support, care, and encouragement when she goes through this phase.

First Weeks of Breastfeeding

Some say breastfeeding is cheap, that mothers who choose to breastfeed over formula are poor and that they can't afford to buy formula milk, well, let me correct you on that because breastmilk is the perfect milk suitable for your baby. The benefits of giving liquid gold to your baby are unimaginable, the saving part is just a bonus.

But do you know that a mother's body goes through a process when her baby is detached from her womb? The breast starts to make breastmilk and the first days are the worst time as the breast becomes tender and painful, the baby latches on it and wounds it. There are also clogged milk ducts problems that if not immediately remedied would result in Mastitis.

Four days after giving birth, I went through the same process. I have felt this heat inside of me, I thought I was having a fever. My breasts were tender and I feel like needles are poking kind of pain, my mother suggested we grill some shells and have them placed on my breast or nipple to help with the pain but we can't make that in our condo at that time. I was thankful for a group called Milk Making Mommas on Facebook which has breastfeeding advocates. The page has a lot of helpful tips on how to get through the pain by using a Haakaa.

They say that breastfeeding should not be painful, if the baby's position when latching isn't right, then there will be a pain. So, in my case, it was indeed the position. It took me a few tries and I would always feel afraid when it's latch time. Thankfully, I had an online meeting with a breastfeeding advocate counselor and was able to get it right.

Tear and or Episiotomy

May it be a normal delivery or a C-section, there will be wounds in a woman's body and that wound doesn't just heal immediately after giving birth, that would take a long time.

For normal deliveries, there's a huge possibility of episiotomy done by the OB or a natural tear down there in the bottom. This wound surely is painful even if it has been weeks postpartum. This is also the reason why some moms give up on breastfeeding because they are dealing with different kinds of pain, as the bottom wound is also affected when the baby latches.

Imagine carrying your baby with a wound down there plus the household chores that need to be done. It is indeed important for someone to take care of the other household needs like cooking, washing, and cleaning the house, the mother has to rest.

Post-partum Depression

When a child is born, a mother is also born. Most of the time, friends and family would focus on the baby without looking into the status of the mother. Aside from the physical pain, mothers most especially first-time moms go through a different emotional ride. The psychological part of the mother is being tested and if there's no proper help, they may face post-partum depression.

Mental health is surely essential, as necessary as the physical health of a mother. There will be many things that go through inside the head of a mom, she has a lot to think of, a lot of doubts, decision making, a whole new world that she has didn't imagine beforehand and she has no choice but to give herself in.

After I gave birth, I had no sleep, I can't let myself sleep because my mind was busy thinking someone might do something harmful to my child. I go to the bathroom and would pee as fast as I can as I feel like someone might steal away the baby or that he might not be breathing or that he might fall from the bed or what. There are so many negativities going on in my mind that I have to ask God to spare me from those.

Family and friends call and I shut them down. I felt very low, I had to keep myself away from the online world, I have to just stay in the house and not go out. I felt really bad especially when my milk was still not showing up in the first four days of my baby's life. It was the worst day when I have to give him formula. Whenever he cries, I cry too. I have to resort to giving him the bottle because I felt like I was a failure.

I guess I look the worst during the first few weeks of my motherhood. I got eyebags, I had almost no time to go take a shower, I was scared and frustrated! I felt miserable, the only thing that keeps me sane was the fact that I was needed by my baby.

Thankfully, with my husband and family's support, I surpass that phase. I am also thankful that there are groups on social media that are willing to help new moms like me. Without them, I might have given up on breastfeeding, I might have been eaten by postpartum depression.

Conclusion

Yes, there's pain, physical and emotional. But the joy of motherhood surpasses these things. True enough, mothers go through a lot so the next time you know someone, may it be a family member or a friend who is about to give birth, show to them that you are there not just for her baby but also her. The next time you think of a present, think of giving service to her instead like sending her food instead, spending time to let her know she is appreciated.

A mother's success doesn't depend on her ability to take care of her baby, it requires the support of the whole community.

xoxo,

mommy jean of momentswithmatti

Love harder than any pain you've ever felt.