And I have that someone now.

Hello beautiful people!

I hope you all are doing fine amidst of the shortcomings and uncertainties we may feel day by day. Always remember that a positive life is a happy life. ✨

When your "sana kung pwede na, pwede pa." turns to "kahit pwede na, ayoko na."

It was the most satisfying line and response I said to someone who tried to get me back. It was the first few months of last year when an ex-boyfriend way back college asked me again for a comeback after dumping me because he can't do his work as a teacher while having in a relationship with me. And that he can't continue to be in a long distance relationship. I could have understand his choice and support him to his decision as it is for his own good and his future as he is as well the butter and bread of his family only if he told me that thing and let me understand how things will go. But no. He didn't.

He disappeared like a bubble. But I stayed. I understand that maybe he is really busy as being a teacher is not that easy. But a simple "good morning" and "goodnight"? That was supposed to be enough. Bare minimum.

I tried to ask what happened. Everyday. And I even stopped after a week of asking with no answer because maybe he's already annoyed and is going through with something I shouldn't know. I understand him. I tried. But just understanding him will never be enough. We are in a relationship so I should know what is happening for me to know and do the right thing. But nothing. No message. No answer. He never let me understand.

Then one day, I'll just receive a message from her closest cousin that he is ending our relationship. How was that? What do you think I should feel?

I didn't get angry. I was hurt. I was in pain. I tried to ask him why. I tried to ask him not to. I tried to get him back. I begged. For long. For too long that I even left him the message, "Sana kung pwede na, pwede pa."

Then we really ended the relationship.

But I still waited. I still tried to contact him. I still begged. That I am even willing to go to where he is staying just for us not to have a long distance relationship. But he declined. He didn't want me back. He seems to be so done with me.

I understand that he was adjusting to the new environment as it was far different from where he used to be. He knew no one. And I stayed for him on that. He chose to be alone. We supposed to stay with each other in difficult times and happy times. But it was not.

I stopped. As I get tired. Who would not? Begging day by day. Being rejected day by day. Who would not get tired with that?

But I tried again. Because I really loved him. And get rejected for a million times.

Until I realized, I am losing myself because of him. I am losing myself just to get him back. I am losing myself because of loving him. And how can I even love him more if it seems that I cannot even love myself first.

I felt pity on myself. That's when I told myself, "Kawawa ka naman. Hinahabol mo yung taong pilit na tumatakbo papalayo sayo."

And I moved in a different direction. Being rejected means being redirected. I tried to composed myself back. I carved on my mind, love is not always the option. Doesn't mean you love him, you'll sacrifice yourself. I've done enough. And I guess, its time to stop.

I tried my very best to be happy again. To be happy without depending on someone. To be happy because of myself only. To be happy because I chose to be happy.

And when I'm already happy, he reached me out. Asking me to comeback. Telling me that pwede na, kung pwede pa ba? And I just said, kahit pwede na, ayoko na. And I just hope him of the best thing in life.

Sometimes people only wants to stay with you when they already build the dream they wanted, when they already established what they have envisioned. You, trying to help them out and staying on their side seems to be a no help and just a hindrance that they just took you out of the picture in a snap. And you'll be left behind in pain, getting hurt, and asking yourself what's wrong, and asking yourself your worth.

Then they'll be back when they're already happy after leaving you in that state.

It is painful to get dumped. But it is more painful to lose yourself just for someone who doesn't even see your worth. Its okay to cry and cry. Just do not keep on crying. Stand tall and move on.

In no time, in the most unexpected time, you'll get to meet someone that will let you feel you are worth it.

And I have that someone now.

That's all for today beautiful people. If you have any thoughts about this, feel free to leave it in the comment section below. Let's interact. Stay safe always! Xoxo ✨☺️

- MissJo 💜

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