Your moon is already suffering

I'm under the dark cloud that I've made up using those dark notions I put in my mind, I can't help but to feel drown at the moment I started to let myself be eaten by my own monsters, there's this shadow that always follow me that I can't escape, it feels like I've been prison by my own self, and I don't know what to do or where to go, I badly wanted to escape this reality that I'm feeling,

Then in the midst of contemplating thougts I decided to just end this predicament and pain that I'm going theough, but before I could even do that, there's this little light that continously brightly shining from a far, I can sense that it going close to where I am, it's just slowly approaching until I've seen a mesmerizing figure, that aprroach and welcome me with a warm smile that seems like lessen my pain,

Yes, you came through my life like a sun showing up even its raining hard, like an umbrella that saves me from rhe rain, like a coat that warms and embraced my cold souls and you slowly melt the heart of mine that almost close to freezing, the numbness I felt toward every painful happenings slowly going away it's like you blew them away by just existing on my side,

I don't know but you just light my darkest days, when I'm about to give up and just end it all for once, you showed up and showed me that life can be more meaningful, you brighten my days, you bring back those genuine smile of mine, those eyes that shows true emotions not just the cold one that so deep and unreadable, you just save me from drowning in the vast of pain, you lift me up until I became me again, but it's more different than the old self, but you just made me a new me, a much better and more stronger self that I can't believe that I will have the chance to witness again,

I never thought I would be this happy again, you just made me the best version of myself again, no scratch that, you just made me the great person, you let me feel things, you let me feel various emotions, I let myself be with you, you set me free from my own monsters,

You just....

You saved me...

But now how can I save you, how can I be with you, how come I'm so foolished to not noticed that behind those smiles of yours are a painful emotions that you just masked up, how come those butterflies I feel became just plain and died, because you left me,

How come I didn't know all of it, how come I doesn't have any single idea what you're going through, it pains me to not noticed it all, Imso angry toward myself but what should I do, if I'm too late to noticed it all and all that remains in me is those smile of mine that you make me, ypu left me with a whole person a better one it became fragile again when I just seen your existence slowly going away,

In these four corners of the room that the light is so blinding, I've seen you suffering, I've seen you fighting for your life, you have that disease that I wash I can take away from you, I wish I was the one who lies in that bed, I wish I was the one who died there, but still I read the notes that you left and I'm trying to stay still and continue being the person whom you made me to be,

To my precious butterfly

You never failed to let me be myself whenever I'm with you, you let me feel that I'm a normal person who's not dying, I can't help but to reminisce the first day that I met you at the rooftop of this hospital, yes I'm in my comfy hospital bed while writing this one, I'm sorry I never tell you about my situation, I'm sorry my body is too weak to response on medications, but I'm always glad that I met you, you tell me that I saved you but you were wrong since the first time that I've seen you I feel glad and found a reason to live again, to fight my disease, the first time I saw you, you such a strong one to even breakdown at knowhere, for me seing a person cries is such a strong ones and that day I decided to make you happy but I'm sorry that despite of the stuffs that we did and enjoyed still I can't hide the fact that I'm dying and promise me that if leave this place you still be here living, please live for me my love, yes I love you since the first time my eyes laid on you, I love you but I'm leaving you, please continue your story without me my love... Your moon is already suffering and gonna leave you but remember that I'm always looking at you from a far. I love you and goodbye...

-your moon.

"I will live for you my moon, now that I understand why I can't reach the moon, I will look for you in another lifetime my live and I will do my best for us to reunite again... I love you... You can rest now... I'm just here"

That's it for now. I missed writing some one shots like this one, gosh it so fun writing this kind of short stories with just one perspective of the lead, and really this pain is just so mesmerizing, the sadness and tragic ends will always feed my craving soul. I'm always on for painful and sufferings, that's just me because happy endings is not on my dictionary.

Okay forget what I say, let's be happy for this night, I have my stiffneck since I woke up this morning gosh it's still painful haha but yeah it's tolearable and I'm masochistic so pain is like a drug to me, I want to feel it until I get numb from it haha, okay by the way hope you enjoy reading this one everyone, happy Wednesday again, Goodnight, take care and keep yourself hydrated as always. Enjoy the rest of the night my dearest skies.

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