Spouse Saga!

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Hey there! Welcome...I'm a simple,creative, principled and exciting person. Love to write... [more]

2 years ago

In community: Naija Wazobia(9ea9)

Still on the business of love, today I really want to talk about choice of spouse. I chose this topic for no specific reasons really, now that I think about it, I guess you could say that I choose this topic because I'm thinking about marriage or maybe I'm lovestruck. Well, whichever one you settle for, be it the ones I listed above or the reasons that are on your mind that I'm not aware of, I'm okay with it.

I can't help but wonder why parents tell their kids of marriageable age stuffs like "I don't want you to come home with an hausa boy or girl" or it's either an Igbo boy or girl or even yoruba or any tribe at all. Most parents don't even want their children getting married to Whites. Among every 10 Nigerian parents, you'd find at least 8 who have problems with a certain tribe or another. It may start like a joke but it becomes so serious overtime that you hear some parents say over their dead body.

As much as some of us do not see this as a big deal, I've heard and seen many relationships get broken for the above reasons. Mind you, these were loving relationships with no major problems but just what their parents wanted was enough to break things up.

If you're Nigerian, you know how much the blessings of parents are held in high regard. Once threatened to not get their blessing, one begins to rethink a decision that was once certain.

This topic came up in a discussion between myself and some of my course mates and I remember telling them that if my parents were to wake up one morning and tell me I can't marry a certain tribe and I'm in love with someone from that so called forbidden tribe that, I'd go ahead and put up a fight. They all laughed and I kept wondering what was amusing them.

After they've had their fair share of laughter, they then told me that it's easier for me to say that's what I'd do until I'm caught up in that kind of situation.

Why would anybody use the deeds of one person to judge a particular clan or tribe? I don't care if it's 20 people, it's still not enough for anybody to conclude that all the people from that place are all bad. It's funny how even the most educated of our parents in Nigeria are the ones who rule the lives of their children based on one stereotypic view or another.

You'd see a man who has not been to the four walls of a university rejoice at his daughter's choice for a husband, but the learned man who one expects the be more vast in thoughts and reasoning doesn't want a certain tribe. Some go as far as disowning their children just because they choose to marry the person that they truly love. All of this is just simply flawed I must say.

As flawed as the system may be, sadly it has come to stay. I say this because I've even heard youngsters who are not parents yet say them and their children will never have anything to do with one tribe or the other. Often times I've asked myself the why question. Why do people make such decisions?

Check this out; John was Igbo and he broke my heart, so I'll never date an Igbo boy again. Effiong was Calabar and he denied this pregnancy I'm carrying, I'll never let me or my children near Calabar people ever again!

I can understand that the above people in this example have been hurt and disappointed but it's not enough reason to jump to such babaric conclusions. How does John breaking anybody's heart relate to him being Igbo? Does that mean that boys from other tribes cannot do same? Effiong denied a pregnancy, does that make everybody from Calabar pregnancy deniers? Let's take our time to think about it!

It's wrong to rub off the sins of one person on a whole multitude of people whom you've never met. It's time we change our minds and leave the tribes out of it. The individuals involved are at fault, why not blame them instead!