Partially Lost but keep Striving in Chaotic World
I feel like I'm getting lost. I don't know what direction to take in life. I'm so afraid to step my feet because maybe I failed again. I know that in order to be successful, you need to experience many disapproval and failures in life but I'm so tried of trying because it seems that all of my actions is repeatedly and the ending was a failure. And for the longest time, I woke up every morning without a proper plan at all. I even asked myself what is the purpose of opening my eyes again. I should be grateful at all that I'm still alive but sometimes it's so demotivating to woke up without a concrete reason. I want to make some improvements but look at me, I just go with the flow.
Hope. Maybe it's the only word that keep me to continue my journey here in Earth. I admit that right now, I feel like that I'm at the middle of chaos and even the silence seems to loud for me. Honestly speaking, I don't really know what I want to have in life. Maybe my existence is enough for me now. Surviving for a day is already a great victory for me. I'm afraid because my mind is already bombarded about the possible happenings in the next days. How funny that I want to unload tomorrows even I'm struggling on today's life. Am I the only one who worried so much about what might happen tomorrow? I feel like that if I failed today,there's a high chance that I also failed tomorrow. I don't want to feel like this but I can't resist to think about it. But I always said to myself that He will not give me another chance to live if I can't make through to it. He will never give me a challenges if He knows that I can't overcome it. I gradually shattered but the hope inside of me is also burning. In the middle of the " Not sure" and " Almost giving up" , I am here with a full hope that this phase of my life is only the beginning for the better days. I'm not ready to spread my wings to the highest level but I am sure that I will not run away to it. I'd rather choose to be in the field of battle than running and hiding like a coward. I need to take all the bullets that life given to me because if I'm not, there's no progress will happen to me. Maybe, I cried tonight but I need to shed all those tears because tomorrow , I need to be a soldier of my life again. I need to fight again because there's a lot of people who support to me. I never give up because they also not giving up on me. I should never give up because myself needed me the most.
I write this article not only because to be a dramatic lady here but because these past few days, I also read some post on different social media about a person who wants to give up on life. A person who is struggling right now and it seems that giving up is the only answer to end that one. Maybe, I'm not in the right position to talked about it because I'm not on their shoes. Maybe I'm also in pain but we have different weights of pain. But I just want to remind you that it's okay to feel lost sometimes. Sometimes it's okay to worry and be afraid about tomorrows but the most important thing is you still do your best to survive. You don't have the full energy to face them but giving your 20% is better than giving 0 at all. Just like a phone, you also tend to be lowbat and need to re-charge. Life isn't always about happy moments, sometimes you also need a sad one to cleanse your emotion. Look even the sky also cry when it can handle its heaviness. It also reveals a dark clouds when the weather is not so good. Now it is sunny day but later, the rain will suddenly appear. And it's actually just like our life, we will never be able to reach success if there's no darkness at all. Maybe you just didn't notice your small progress because you are too focus on the big goals you have in life. The fact that surviving is so difficult but you still made it. I'm proud of you even in your smallest achievement. I'm proud that you still keeping your hope for the better days. And you also need to be proud on yourself because you actually did a great job. So for those who have still doubt about themselves, let it go and let gradually open our doors for the better version of our life. The fighter and the hopeful side of ourselves. We all deserve to be feel that we are worth it.
Good evening and hello dreamers!! How's your Sunday? Is it a Funday or it still an ordinary day that we just want to end. I actually want to extend this day because I need to accomplished some tasks in school. I cried while I'm procrastinating earlier. Honestly, I am not good on procrastinating because I wanted to do my activities one week before the submission. I admit that I'm a little bit perfectionist when it comes to acads so I always allot time to make them. But since it's groupings and I need to wait for their work and unexpectedly they did nothing. They only seen my messages so I choose to do their part rather than wasting my time waiting for them. And until now, I'm working to it. I guess road to 2AM again haha.
Thank you dreamers for keep supporting me. It means a lot to me. 🥰
Hold onto HOPE that you have in mind and in heart. This hope even how little it is will give you strength to pursue in life. Laban lang. Ajah!