@Mayiee 10 December 2021 more from that month

World, be easy on Me

While I'm randomly playing music on my YouTube, I suddenly stumbled on this song entitled "**Easy on Me**" by Adele. Honestly I already hear it from somewhere but tonight,I feel the lyrics deeply. It seems that this song can definitely describe what I'm feeling right now. I just want to say to myself and to whole world that be "Easy on Me". Do you also feel sometimes that the world becomes so cruel to you? To the point that you didn't know what you should do but end up to silently crying in the four corners of your room. I believe that our room is the only place that knows all our feelings inside. It's our hide-out from the judgemental society that surrounds us. Last night while I'm doing my activities , I can't handle my emotions so I suddenly had a momentum breakdown. Since it already 3AM that time, my family is deeply sleeping. I need to endure this breakdown alone. I don't honestly know why I'm being like this on the past few days. I always becomes so conscious on the decision and actions that I'm doing. I'm not also satisfied on my performance now especially on academics . I feel like my brain is so drained to the point that I'm only doing activities because of the deadlines and because it's required to do. I can't also blame myself for feeling this way because of what someone told me yesterday. She said that I'm a smart kiddo before but now , it seems that I becomes st*pd because she can't see my growth and improvement. I believe that I didn't need to show and flex to everyone my achievement because I am a kind of person who wants to celebrate it within myself ahha. I don't care about that but I admit that it affects my self esteem. I thought she is one of my avid supporter but I'm wrong because she pull me down. I just wanna said to her that be easy on me because I'm also vulnerable and I also got tired in life.

Believe me or not ,there's inside of us that always wants to be a kid again right? Being a kid is a peaceful and stress free stage of life. They can enjoy and explore the life without worrying the words coming from other's mouth. I want to go back to the that kind of moments that I'm still a baby girl that my only problem is how to pursue my mom to buy me a toy. Unlike now that time and people only pushes us what we should do. That in every move , they have something to say to us. But thinking it over and over again, I realize that it's really okay not to be okay. It's just a sign that you do something for yourself. I believe that this worries of mine will turned to a hope and chances. This heaviness will becomes my answered prayers. And this emptiness will gradually find my way to back on the track. I don't lose my hope, faith and trust on Him . I know that I'm on this position because He prepares something for me. I just need to wait and work that hard. *Greetings!!* Hola! Hola! Crazy dreamers 👋 How are you on the middle of this cold weather? Because of thinking too much, I have a slight fever now but don't worry it's still manageable. I already drink medicine so I'm hoping that tomorrow it will disappear hehe. I just want to remind everyone that you do a great job today despite on your struggles that you've been encountered. Don't ever set a room for giving up on life because I know that you can overcome all of that. I'm so proud of you and I will always rooting for you🤗🤗