Loner. Out of place. Not belong.
Those are the words that can best describe when you feel like an outcast. It feels like that you're a pants that doesn't fit to anyone. Does it hurt right? Even you want to hang out with others, you feel like that they didn't recognize you as a part of their circle. Sometimes , you're gonna asked yourself " What's wrong with me?" " Am I bad so everyone doesn't want me?" There are so much things that running on our mind. And worst , sometimes we doubt ourselves for this reasons.
Just like the title of this article , I was once an Outcast. I also experience how to be alone even sometimes I want to be friends with them. Before I've been experiencing rejections on the people that I want to be with. It's funny when I realized how I force myself to fit in into the world that I'm not welcome. But now, it doesn't bother me anymore because I found the my best buddy. It's no other than myself.
I was once an Outcast to my Family
Not literally on my family but on my mother's relatives. Every time that I be with them ,I can't breathe as if I'm suffocated. They treat me as a wind because they don't see my presence. I don't want to do the first move so I just let it go. I also don't want to be plastic or fake in front of them so I'd rather be an outcast than become a hypocrite. Honestly, this is the feel of an outcast that I don't feel any regret because I know somehow it is the best way that I can do.
I was once an Outcast on my Friends
When I am in high school , I tend to have a lot of friends . Actually , most of my classmates. But then I realized that everyone can be your friends but not all of them will treat you as a friend. There are times that I tried to fit myself on one of those groups on our classroom. At first, it is really good and I am really happy but as time passes by I realize that I am out of place to them. Their hobbies and actions are way too far from me. What's even more painful is sometimes they only see me when they need me. Humbly speaking, sometimes they let me to do their homeworks and it's very irritating. Like duhh, I have also a homework that needs to do. So, I decided to stay away from them. Don't judge me but I think I can't grow to that kind of circle.
I was once an Outcast to my University
Since I was came from the province and decided to study here at Manila, everything seems different. So when my first day entering at the University , I feel like I am not belong there. The students and the surroundings are very different from what I'm used to. Honestly, at first I thought I can't adopt and survive the changes but look at me now, I am fully aware on how to be fit on it. In fact after three months , I feel like my University is my second home and also because I found some friends that I can called a real one.
I was once an Outcast to myself
Yes, you read it right. It's may sound ironic but sometimes I felt that I don't know myself anymore. It seems that I just go with the flow without really understanding what happen to me. Also, sometimes I got to question myself " Is it still you? ". But this type of outcast should be avoided immediately because it may cause harm to yourself and to other people. It can also the reason of your overthinking and self-doubt.
Sometimes being an outcast is not really bad especially when you know that it is much better for you. I admit that there are times that I still choose to be an Outcast rather than to be with someone whom I can't feel my presence. Just a piece of reminder , don't settle yourself to someone that treat you as a n outcast because you really deserve the belongingness that you've looking for. When you feel that you are not belong anymore, try to distant yourself and through that you can realize if it still worthy to hang out with them. Being an outcast sometimes also help us to reveal and discover the things and it also help us to be a wiser to choose the person who will let us in on our life. You're might be an outcast to someone but you are a star to the real one in your life.
I thought I was an outcast before pero I realized na maling group of people lang pala yung sinasamahan ko. Since I found my peeps, I started to grow and reveal the best in me