When you say " Yes" to others, make sure you are not saying " No" to yourself
-Paulo Coelho
I am a kind of person who always said yes to the favor of others. The hardest thing for me is saying No to someone. I can't help myself but to think that maybe I'm the only one who can really help them. I always asked myself " What if I refused to help even they are needed help?" But I can't also denied that sometimes I even help even I know that I'm not willing to. Don't get me wrong because I know that helping others is a great attitude but sometimes I feel like I'm being abuse for being too kind to them. Like they only think of me if they needed some help. A person in convenience actually. It drains me so much sometimes.
I already shared to you before on my article A beastly Monday morning that my auntie is only chatting me if she needs my help regarding to his son assignment. I even said that his son is already a 3rd year college like me but most of the time, my auntie asked me to help him. Before I always help him because I don't want to hear some bad and foul words coming from their mouth. If I refused to help, they will tell me that I'm stupid and I don't have " utang na loob". Honestly I don't get the reason why do I have utang na loob to the because actually they don't have any contribution to my life but only degrading my confidence as a person. But I still choose to zip my mouth because I don't want my mom to have a misunderstanding with her step sister. I still want a peace among us but I guess it can't really happened because of them.
Last time, my auntie call me with a angry voice. She was mad at me because her son got only 90% on the reflection that I do to him. Really? I want to answered her sarcastically that her son should be the one who do that thing because it's a " reflection" actually. I also don't have a knowledge about that topic because we have a different course right now. And I want to say that I'm not a professional writer and I am not the one who give grades to her son. But I never tell to her that because she will gonna tell to me that I'm so rude. Also, I don't want to hurt someone's feelings because of my mouth. She is still my auntie though.
Besides that, I'm not on the good condition right now. I am totally stressed out to my activities and to my midterms exams for this and next week. So as much as I can, I make myself productive to cope up to the lectures. And it's really hard to me especially that we are always have computational lesson now. Last time, I do my one assignment for the whole 8 hours because it's really too much. But I choose to be persistent to finished that one. Aside from that, my rayuma and arthritis is attacking me because of the cold weather here. I can't manage to walked properly sometimes. I'm only at my 20's but I'm feel so old because of this. I inherited this to my mother's family ( sa lahat ba naman ng ipamamana ,rayuma pa talaga lol)
Go back to the main topic. Last night, my auntie also chatted me to asking some help again. But unlike before, I said " No" to her. It's not because I don't want to help her son anymore but because I explained well to her about my situation and my pending activities. And as I expected, she got mad on me for the nth time and tell me that I'm so lazy that's why I have pending activities. I want to talked back like this " Your son is much lazier than me because he cant do anything". But I've never said that because I dont want to make any trouble. She convinced me and told me that it would be the last time but I still refuse and still explained to her everything. So, she ended the call immediately and the last thing I checked ,she blocked me again on her messenger. She always do that to me so it's not new anymore. I know that she will unblocked that again if she needed me.
But my mom already knew about it because my great auntie told everything to my mom. That I'm so rude and I didn't respect her as my auntie. But my mom told me that if saying " No" can give me a peace of mind,then do it. She also said to me earlier that I should put some boundaries and limitations. I remembered that she already warned me before that I should not be too kind to all because it will become my weakness because others will surely abuse me. But I didn't listen to her and I always allot some time to help others. I'm glad that my mom understand me so much. That is one of the reason why I miss her to be here besides me. Her deep talks and advices , I really need that thing.
It's my first time to say " No" and I realize that it's not a bad thing though because I also give freedom and peace of mind to myself. And also I don't need to explain everything to someone just to justified the reason because saying " No" doesn't required a reason and excuses. Sometimes saying " No" is also a way to stay away to the things and person that makes you unhappy. It's an act of self care and preservation.
Closing Thought
Sometimes we should learn how to say "No" to others even they are a close friend or person to us without feeling a guilt from it. If you know that it's not really good for you ,go and tell them the reason. It' s not an act of selfishness because we also give them a chance to prove themselves that they can do it without any help. Sometimes we think too much that helping is a responsibility even though that we already know that they abuse us that much. Setting boundaries is really necessary. We are only a human and we don't have any superpowers to help all of them. Sometimes, choose to help yourself through giving it the limitations that you deserves.
Greetings !!
Hello again crazy dreamers of this read cash society 👋👋 How's the world on your side? I already shared to you about a bit happenings to my not so good day today haha. But I'm still kicking you know even my knees is not in the well condition lol. I do hope for a peaceful sleep to everyone.
You can also checked some of my previous articles :
🖤Thank you, Sorry appa
https://read.cash/@Mayiee/thank-you-sorry-appa-f5f9963f
🖤Thank you, Sorry Appa 2
https://read.cash/@Mayiee/thank-you-sorry-appa-2-cbe756cb
🖤Chasing my life again
https://read.cash/@Mayiee/chasing-my-life-again-00a04d82
🖤 Why it ends like this?
Haalah grabeh. Why so irresponsible son when in fact her son is already a college. You're so brave by decided ur decision. Do not tolerate those people abuse ur kindness. Working mentally is not as easy like working physically. Its better to have work physically than our mental. ... I swear it is super duper tired when mental is needed towards works.