@Maryam07 31 August 2020 more from that month

Jumbled Thoughts

*I have tears in my eyes.*  *Shinny liquid pulling at the corners* *Of that beautiful part of me.*  *Stinging as it crawls* *Like fat balls down my cheeks.*  *Hot when I wiped it in frustration.*  *I’m letting it fall.*  *I don’t care it moves past my jaw* *And down my throat.*  *The irregular patterns no longer bother me.*  *Appearances has disappeared.* *My heart is full.*  *I begin to talk but can’t finish.*  *The words come out jumbled,*  *Broken like an old piece of furniture.*  *My voice crack as I try to speak.*  *Maybe from keeping quiet for so long,*  *Or from exhaustion threatening to overwhelm.*  *I’ve always loved the silence,*  *Even when I try and fail to meditate.*  *I love it still.*  *Just me and nothingness.* *There’s a lump in my throat.*  *Not from love or new found feelings,*  *Rather, from old pain ignored.*  *Past hurt shoved into the dark.*  *Swallowed like a hot liquid,*  *Forgotten like an unfinished liquor.*  *They’re all back to the surface*  *I’m neither ignoring nor encouraging.*  *It’s floating around and I don’t mind.*  *It bites my stomach day and night.*  *I’m too tired to fight back.* *Maybe this tears would wipe it all away* *And I get to start anew.*  *Maybe it would keep it all within reach,*  *Where I won’t be able to escape*  *I’ve resigned everything to fate.*  *I live by the day,*  *Waking in the morning,*  *Going to bed at night.*  *The dreams steals in and out of my sleep,*  *But they don’t scare me anymore.*  *I will myself to forget at dawn.* **©chinyerevivian** I've been emotionally drained today. I wrote this piece listening to this tune. I didn’t listen till the end. Don’t want to go too deep. Maybe I was scared of what I would find. It made me think things I would rather not on a good day. Tell me what you think.