@Marty27 3 July 2020 more from that month

When the morning comes from within..

Ive been drinking last night me and my wife we finished a bottle of whisky. We’re happy. We have a lots of plans. We plan to migrate in canada, because she is already a resident there. but that things didn’t inspire me. I don’t feel excited either. Sometimes i wanna go far away from her. I don’t even want to be with her. I swear, I don’t know what is the reason. even she tried to make me happy. For most of the time, i feel incomplete. Specially when i wake up in the morning. My thoughts is to leave her. there is such things that happened way way back before. She ruined everything. She hurt me a lot. and those scars cant be covered or healed even she worked hard just to pleased me. before i am so excited to be with her and to see her, because we are in long distance relationship. she told me so many things to gave her a chances to make me happy. To heal the wound in my heart. My mind says no. i tried to tell her about this for so many times but it ended up in arguments. to be honest, i got so disappointed by her so many times. I don’t feel the excitement anymore from her. Well, maybe because she had so many things to kill the love inside me. and until now, i am wondering to leave her. i am no longer happy with her. I just plan not even to tell a goodbye to her because it will ended up miserable. Its better to leave without a footsteps in front of her. i hope she can be happy and realize that my feelings for her will never be the same as what it is before.