Most of my friends have a story to tell about them having difficulty saying NO. It is one of the hardest sentences to utter to some, and it takes guts to say it with conviction. 

I can attest to how difficult it is to say NO. As a result, it takes a toll on me. Either I have found a way to work around these extra hassles and I have just become accustomed to them, or I am just too accommodating to even care. 

But regardless if we can entertain the extra tasks unnecessarily placed on our shoulders, we should let people around us understand that NO is a complete sentence. It is not a suggestion, but a statement. It is a boundary, a demarkation. It means we are serious, and people should respect that.

People should respect your boundaries

We should never be at the mercy of the people around us. Even our bosses are our bosses only within the 8-hour window (assuming the nature of your work calls for such). Beyond that is our time. We should consider it sacred and don't let anyone take it for granted. It should be ours to enjoy, keep, and use for our benefit.

When people try to invade your boundary, a stern no should be a default response. When we allow them to trample on our boundaries, we will soon find them comfortable in doing so. That's disrespect we allowed to happen. 

Don't feel guilty saying NO

The reason we hesitate to turn down requests from people is that we think we are being insensitive, unhelpful, and inconsiderate of their needs. There are times when it is in our ability to help, and we should do so. But when it becomes too much for us to handle, we should not feel guilty saying NO, NEXT TIME, or SORRY, I CAN'T. 

We are not becoming less of a human if we refuse to help someone just because we are unable to. There is a difference between being unable to help, and unwillingness to help. Our refusal must be prompted by our respect for our boundaries and peace, not by selfishness or apathy.

Helping is different from enabling

When we say enabling, this is taken from a negative context. Being helpful is different from being an enabler. We help people who are in need. But we enable people when they ask for help even if they are capable of doing things on their own. 

We should think twice about helping people who are strong enough and capable enough of providing for their needs. If they are just being lazy and are just taking advantage of your benevolence. They are easy to spot. Sometimes, they appeal to your emotions. Once or twice, we may fall prey to their schemes. But later on, we'll see how they try to manipulate people on their bidding so they can get what they want. Beware.

We help people who are in genuine need. We are like planting on good soil, and not in some place where your help will be wasted. Don't enable people's laziness. Watch out for their schemes.  

Why we should say NO

Saying NO means we respect ourselves - our time, our resources, our relationships, everything that matters to us. When we say yes to everything, we are limiting ourselves to something better. But when we say NO to unnecessary things, we are giving ample space for our hearts and hands to handle some of the best things this life has to offer. Learn to differentiate from what's important. Prioritize what's significant. Not everything that passes before us needs to be entertained.