I am not a confrontational person. People who know me consider me timid, passive, and peace-loving. And I agree with their observations! I haven't been into fights, and whenever there's an argument, I try to shy away from the heat of the discussion. Confrontations exhaust me. I will do anything to make sure I am far from one. 

But as I grow older, situations call for me to step up and speak out. Confrontation is not just an option, it is the solution. To save a relationship, you need to speak the truth in love no matter how hurtful it may be, because "an open rebuke is better than hidden love."

But I don't always know what to say when I am in a situation that calls for loving confrontation. There is no formula and spiel. But we need to be reminded of the things not to say and do if we want to confront people effectively.

No hints

Hinting is giving small, subtle messages to the other person hoping that he will soon get what you mean. This is often not the case. Instead of the other person getting your message across, it might cause confusion, and you might end up frustrated. 

Instead of giving hints, tell the problem plainly. It can be done in private, when necessary. Perhaps some of your close friends and colleagues will take your hints and understand your message, but not all people will get you mean with your gestures and facial expressions.  

Informing others - except the concerned party

I know how it feels to be out of the loop. I find it disrespectful and it takes away confidence. I feel like I do not deserve to know any vital information, especially things that concern me. No matter the issue, I wanted to be in the know, especially if I am part of a team. I don't want to hear gossip about me.

And the same goes for all. No one wants to be talked around. To be effective in confrontation, talk to the person involved. Don't talk around about that person. Talking around is tantamount to gossip, and it ruins the relationship. A person will appreciate an honest confrontation than hearing from others no matter how factual the matter is. 

The problem will not solve itself

It's positive to be hopeful, but there are times when we have to intervene in the situation and not wait for something worse to happen. We should be proactive if we want the issue to die down and no longer escalate to a level that will derail relationships. 

We can't set aside the issue. The erring party might think that things are going well and that the behavior is acceptable because no one bats an eye. We need to pull out the roots before the weeds grow and invade the whole situation. 

Relationships are messy. We want to make sure we are getting along with the people around us. But we all have rough edges. And while it is a noble idea not to offend anyone, our differences will get the best of us. But even in our differences, we can do a workaround to make sure we are heading in the same direction. Polish the rough edges, make allowances for each others' faults, and when necessary, confront what needs to be confronted and grow together. 

The Bible says, "an open rebuke is better than hidden love." People will appreciate you when you speak the truth in love than hide it and let the person suffer from the consequences of his erring behavior. 

Do not withhold the truth. Make the hard choice.