Almost every time I open my social media accounts, I see people making announcements of death in the family or their circle of friends. If not an announcement, there will be online eulogies and tributes. This pandemic has taken away too many lives. We send as many condolences now as often as we post happy birthdays. It's a sad season.
Since we are having collective grief and anxiety due to this pandemic, I strongly believe that we should look out for each other and help one another cope with our situation. We are our brother's keeper. We may not agree on many things, but we are on the same shitstorm, and the best thing we can do is to make things a bit easier, especially for the grieving. We can do the following:
Be mindful of the words we tell them
Sometimes, our tactless attitude adds insult to the injury. We may have no intentions of hurting them but our choice of words are like daggers that pierce them emotionally. We should avoid saying things like, "it's nothing, you can make it through", "at least you're still alive and healthy", "Others have been through worse", or "just brush it off". If things will be this easy, they have already walked out of their situation. But it's not! Let them grieve. Don't take it away from them. If we don't have anything good to say, we can instead shut our mouths and refrain from talking. It helps big time.
Be extra gracious towards them
Some people, when they are grieving, have emotional outbursts that get in their way. As long as it is still bearable, being extra patient and gracious towards them will be beneficial. Don't nag at them. Don't be defensive and refuse to retaliate especially when it's just an emotional release. If they want to be alone, let them be. If they yell at you for reasons you don't understand yet, don't take it personally. Grief sometimes can be complicated. Just be on the lookout and make sure that the grieving person is safe from self-harm.
Be awkward with them
People are not into silence and awkwardness. We want to speak our voice out, give unsolicited advice and try to shoo away the feelings. But in a grief process, hurry is not healthy. We have to fully understand the reality of our situation until we have the courage and capacity to accept them as it is. As friends, our job is not to change their situation. Our duty is to be awkward with them, to feel uncomfortable. Listen to their questions, watch the tears flow from their eyes, offer a crying shoulder or a warm hug, or just being there. It's something they will appreciate. People who grieve know what to do, but they don't have the emotional capacities to do it soon. Respect their emotions.
We remember the people who stood out with us and suffered with us when we are grieving, more than those who partied with us. Those who are with us in our downtimes etched a special place in our hearts than those who are only present in the good times. In this time when the pandemic hits most families we know, we can somehow be of help or at least be prepared to help.
Keep safe, everyone!
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Carpe Diem!
