@Mapagbigay 20 March 2021 more from that month

She's a Selfish Girlfriend

My girlfriend and I decided to move in one apartment which is just few blocks away in our university. The reason was, apart from it's time consuming and more convenient, it's also our way to practice ourselves to live in a single roof together. Para pagdating ng araw na ikakasal kami ay hindi na kami maninibago. Glad that our parents allowed us to have our own independence as a couple. Both of our families told us that we are already matured enough to distinguish what is wrong and right. In other words, we must finish our studies first before building our own family. Janna and I have been in a relationship for four years already and I believe, we are so sure of each other. I courted her not just for some source of temporary happiness but because she's the only woman I could envision with who will walk down the aisle while wearing a wedding gown, the only woman I could picture out who will carry my first baby and the woman I could see in my future. Siya lang at wala nang iba. Honestly, she's not a perfect girlfriend that every man could ever wish for. She has lots of imperfections and bad sides too. But that's what love is all about, right? It's accepting your partner's flaws and imperfections. "Love, I have two apples here. This is your favorite, right?" The sweet, cheerful voice of Janna pulled me back from the reality. She then flashed a dulcet smile as she seated beside me on the couch. The succulent scent of the apples in her hands instantly wafted through my nostrils and my mouth couldn't help but to water in hunger. "Love, akin na 'yong isa." I pouted my lips and begged. She just chuckled and rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry pero kaya ko 'tong ubusing mag-isa 'no." She then took a monster bite towards the first apple on her hand and I was expecting her to give me the other one but she took a bite on it too. My chest instantly felt heavy and I couldn't help but to be frustrated. I smiled bitterly. Who would've thought that those apples could be the source of my disappointment? As what I've told you earlier, she has awful attitudes too and one of it is being too selfish. For the past four years of being with her, this is one of her toxic traits that might be the reason of our downfall. Sobrang selfish niya sa lahat ng bagay. Yes, I do love her but I don't know when can I still stand with her selfishness. Because somehow, it's draining the hell out of me, too. As we graduated in College, her selfishness just heightened up when she told me that she will work as a domestic nurse in abroad. "Mas malaki ang kikitain ko 'pag pumunta ako ng ibang bansa, love. Trust me," pangungumbinsi niya sa akin. I just stared at her dreadfully and it felt like all my energy has been taken away slowly by slowly. "P-Please stay, love... 'Di ko kaya," I begged, my lips trembling and now in the verge of crying. Janna just flashed a reassuring smile as she cupped my face. "Believe me with this, love. Mas magiging maganda ang kinabukasan natin 'pag nakaalis ako. At isa pa, hindi lang kinabukasan natin ang matutulungan ko, pati na rin ang pamilya natin. Love, trust me. 'Pag nakaipon ako, babalik agad ako dito at magpapakasal agad tayo atsaka bumuo ng sariling pamilya." She gave me a heart-warming smile as tears slowly streamed down her cheeks. Both of our parents agreed with her decision and I had left with no choice but to agree too. "Don't worry, I promised that that I will contact you if I have a vacant time. At isa pa, sinabihan ko na rin ang bestfriend ko na pakitignan ka." I just stood there, barely able to move and breathe. Janna hugged me so tight as she whispered, "I love you so much, Arjay. Mahal na mahal kita." Those were her final words before she left me. — AFTER THREE YEARS "ARJAY! TAO PO!" The sweet voice of a woman broke the afternoon silence in our house. Nang makutuban ko kung sino 'yong babae ay nagsimulang bumigat ang pakiramdam ko. "J-Janna..." Her name rolled out in my tongue as I stared at her in surprise. "L-Love... nakauwi na ako," she whispered in delight and she then hugged me so tightly. When our skin grazed each other, the spark was no longer there. The love that we both shared already died when she left me. With a heavy heart, I slowly removed her hands around me, leaving her in total shock. "Aren't you happy that I am here now?" Tears started pouring down her face. "Arjay ano ba? May problema ba tayo?" "No'ng nasa abroad ka, madalas na lang kitang ma-contact, Janna. And now, do you really expect that after you left me, katulad pa rin tayo nang dati? Janna, wala na akong nararamdaman sa 'yo. Maybe they are right, when communication fades, feelings follow." Tuluyan nang napahikbi sa harap ko si Janna, hindi makapaniwala sa mga sinasabi ko. "No, Arjay. If you really love me, no matter how many days or weeks or even years that we won't talk, you will still understand your partner especially when she's busy with her dreams!" Iyak lamang ng iyak si Janna sa harap ko. "Okay naman tayo 'di ba, love? My bestfriend even told me that you were doing fine here. Tapos ito ang aabutan ko?" Nabasag ang kaniyang boses habang umiiyak. With trembling hands, she got her phone from her jean's pocket. "T-Teka... tatawagan ko ang bestfriend ko kung bakit gani—" "You don't have to..." I cut her off as I stared at her intently. "A-Arjay..." she whispered. "M-May nangyari ba na hindi ko alam?" "You are a year late, Janna. I already got your bestfriend pregnant." And there, her mouth went wide open and more tears sprung in her eyes. "P-Paano? A-At bakit siya?" She sounded so drained, so lost... so fragile. "Kasi siya lang 'yong nakakasama ko palagi. Siya lang 'yong nandiyan para damayan ako. Siya lang 'yong nakakaintindi sa akin..." Habang nagsasalita ako ay 'di ko na pala namalayan ang pagtulo ng mga luha sa mata ko. "Janna, you lost me not because I don't love you but because of your selfishness.." Pagak lamang na natawa si Janna sa sinabi ko habang humihikbi. "Masama bang maghangad ng magandang kinabukasan para sa atin, Arjay? Masama bang bigyan ng magandang buhay ang magiging anak natin? Tangina! Hindi ako umalis para sa sarili ko kundi para sa ating dalawa at para sa magiging pamilya natin! And now you are telling me that I am selfish? Tangina! Hindi ako nagpakahirap sa ibang bansa para lang pagsabihan mo ako nang ganiyan!" sigaw niya habang umiiyak. "Kailanman ay hindi ako naging makasarili sa 'yo! Remember those two apples before?" Mahina siyang natawa bago nagpatuloy. "Yes, I took a bite with those two apples to know which is more sweeter, Arjay. And guess what? I gave you the sweeter one, right?" There, a realization dawned upon me. My heart constricted in pain and I couldn't help but to tear up silently. "Kung may makasarili man sa atin, ikaw 'yon! You are just pursuing your OWN dreams, Arjay! While I am pursuing OURS!" sigaw niya. "L-Love... I'm sorry..." Nanginginig ang mga labi kong napatingin sa kaniya. "L-Love, hindi ko sinasadya..." "Wala na tayong magagawa, nakabuntis ka na." Janna just smiled bitterly while crying hopelessly in front of me. "I'm not going to the next chapter with you anymore, Arjay. But I am happy to see you finish this story with someone else." She faintly smiled as she continued. "Take care of my bestfriend, okay?" nanginginig na sabi niya. Narinig ko ang mahina niyang tawa habang humihikbi sa harap ko. "Akala ko masakit na 'yong nalaman kong nabuntis mo ang bestfriend ko, may mas mas masakit pa pala doon." Before she turned her back, she dropped her final words that completely shattered my heart. "Alam mo kung ano 'yong mas masakit? 'Yon 'yong pagsabihan ka ng makasarili ng taong palagi mong inuuna." — Words by: Ken Ogbinar