September 5, 2021
Still, in quarantine and there`s so much to thing to do, but I don`t have the will to do it. I am drawing regularly since mid-February and I saw a huge improvement in. my drawings, but this May I have to go home to assure that my family is okay and I stop drawing since then. My family is in chaos since the beginning of this year, my sister which is so young to be married is forcefully leaving our house to be with his boyfriend and my father did not like it. So last April I went home to talk to my sister about it, but she did not listen. She asks our mother if she can leave our house permanently, my mother agrees to put an end to all the nonsense that is happening in our house when my sister is around. Last May my sister leave the house permanently and my father did not like the decision of my mother, I thought if I go home their fighting will regress day by day, and I was right. They did not fight for too long and just accept what my sister wants for her life.
Since I go home, I stopped drawing and now I`m in my apartment again. Even I came back here to my house where I start my drawing career, I feel that I don`t have the will anymore, I can`t feel the passion that I feel when I start last February. And It`s kind of sad that the things that I want becoming the things that I can`t do. I`m still trying to pick up my pencils and sketch pads but it`s not the same feeling that I get when I started drawing. It`s like that there`s a part of me that is missing and I can`t find where it is.
That`s why I feel kind of lost this past few days, I feel lazier and lazier about all the things that I am doing before I go home, Back then I thought that I just don`t have enough time to do things that I love so I become lazy, but not now I`m in quarantine and I have all the time that I need, I still can`t do it the way I did it when I start and I don`t know why.
September 6, 2021
Today is the official day of the first day of class and I feel that I`m not ready. See, I`m still in quarantine with a cough and my sense of smell and taste are not returning, so I can`t eat properly and I feel week. Quarantine, feeling weak and first day of online class? it`s not a great combination to make me feel well. But I don`t have the choice so I arrange my schedule and go with it.
It`s just the first day so there is nothing much to do, I just list all my subjects, find the Facebook groups of my subjects so I can join them and don`t miss any information that is essential. And it is so stressful, I can`t find all the groups that I need and there is no student that knows how to have access to the groups. this is the downside of online learning, there is no good information dissemination. All the students don`t know what to do and all the students are afraid to email the professor and ask questions. So here we are starring at the computers don`t know what to do next.
After that dead-end, leaving me nothing to do all day, I just sleep to end the day faster. I wake up and it is the night watch some youtube videos, eat, and sleep again.
September 7, 2021
The second day of school and I`m still in quarantine, I still have a cough and my sense of smell and taste and still not coming back. I wake up late today so I will have fewer hours for the day doing nothing, I still don`t have the will to draw and do other things that I do last February. I just want to lay in bed watch youtube and Facebook videos all day and that is bad for me, back then I always find things to do and now I find ways to do nothing at all.
Today is also the orientation for this school year, I attended 3 minutes and leave the zoom meeting, and back to watching youtube videos online. I`m watching Yes Theory all the time, I find them funny and motivating sometimes.