When Anxiety Hits Me

Good evening read.cash users. It's been a while since I wrote an article. My mind was scattered these days. I have been over thinking and it did no good to me. It only lead me to depression. There were times that I would just burst into tears for no reason. I cannot focus on things and I easily get annoyed even on small things.

I tried to keep myself busy, and I think I just made our house squeaky clean in every corner just to clear my mind. But after that, here I am again.

Even when I was young, I always keep my problems to myself. I don't want to be a burden to anybody. I remember when I was in highschool, I lost the money for my tuition fee. It was a hard earned money so I feel so embarrassed when I lost it. One day before the exam, I was really anxious on what to do, if I told my Lola about it, I'm sure she'll get mad and would be troublesome again where to get money for my tuition fee. So I decided not to tell her. On the day of the exam, I just made an alibi to my teacher and ask if I could just give a promisory note just to be able to take an exam. But the problem is, it needs my Lola's signature. I asked a friend if she could signed a promisory note in behalf of my Lola. He hesitated at first because he might get in trouble for doing so, but I assure him that he won't get in trouble. Because my teacher didn't knew my Lola's signature, the note that I presented to her made me take my exam. And then the time came when my Lola knew about it, that I lost the money, she really get mad. Mad not because I lost the money, but because I did not tell her the truth. She said that if only I had told her, she could have helped me.

In times like this, I missed my Lola. She's the only person that could comfort me the way I wanted to be comforted.

Earlier, me and my husband had an argument over financial aspects. It only added to what's been troubling me. I just cried and cried until my eyes run dry. I don't know why I am being so emotional, I think something is wrong with me. I cannot even talk to my sisters about it. I don't want them to worry about me because they have their problems also.

My daughter told me earlier to stop crying and just let it slide. But it only made me cry more.

You might be wondering why the hell I am telling you all about my troubles. Well for me, this is my way of releasing the burden that I feel. And it is better to tell this to strangers because I know that you won't judge me like how other people who knew me would.

I hope things will get better for me soon. I don't know what will happen tomorrow or the next day, but it definitely won't be the same like today.