I am not born perfect, and I will never be.

I am not a perfect person, not a perfect woman. I have mistakes, I do mistakes and mistakes made my imperfections. But one thing I discovered about having a mistakes is it teach us and tells us lesson. You will never learn if you don't have mistakes, its like you will not met your success without having struggles, you will never realize the importance of life without ups and downs, you will never know who's real and fake without loosing.

I am a mistake maker, and a sinner I say bad words to my people and family, I talk back whenever I feel angry, I don't share what I have to people I dont like, I dont response immediately when I am mad, I hide truths, I fake my smile and feelings, I made my love one's angry, I stole money, I repeat words being said by someone, I acted victim and so many more mistakes and sins.

One big mistake I made as a woman is when I knew I was pregnant. The journey I had as a single person is too short for me and I've always wanted to discover more, do more and experience more. Having a baby at my age is not actually part of my plan. My plan is to finish my study first, and have a comfortable work, enjoying the life and travel around the world, my plan of having a kid is at the age of 28-30 however my plans are all missed up, so many unexpected things happen in my life, and I just don't know what will happen next.

When I got the result of my pregnancy test, my world went dark and I became speechless, crying in silent for almost of my days. I couldn't accept the fact that I am carrying a baby, that I am soon to become a mother, that many of my normal activities will change and that it will also affect my study. I am taking the judgement in advance, the people's eyes, and voice keeps playing on my mind. I am so afraid to disappoint my family just like how I disappointed myself. That moment I say, NO I will never make this happen. I plan to abort the baby I am carrying by drinking bitter ingredients. They say it will work, and because of my decision that time, I made my choice. More months had past, still, the baby is breathing.

I went to the doctor and I saw the baby beautifully growing. I heard the heartbeat and I went too emotional, I cried and realize my mistakes my sin just to abort him/her, I suddenly say YES I will take care of my baby.

We human have our realization/ regrets in the end? That shows the power of lesson. It teach us to be aware of our wrong doings. " They say regret is in the end". Yeah I agree with that phase , because I've been regretting my mistakes, but that doesn't means my life ends here. All we need to do is to feel the pain brought by our realization and regrets in life. But remember, whatever happens, its because it has a purpose "Everything happens for a reason" and so I understand how life should go on and on.

The importance of lessons is to make us more knowledgeable person, in order for us to know the results, outcomes in the next day with our current situation. Lessons in life is a miracle for me, it change a person, I believe a one persona can tell that he/she was changed by his/her lessons in life. We all wanted to change and tp start a new clean beginning. But we know nothing with our life's problem in the next day. Mistakes are part of our lives, we human needs the acceptance and forgiveness to ourselves in order for us to grow and to learn not to do the same thing again.

The difference between gained lesson vs. gain lesson for me is that Gained lesson is that a person who correct his/ her mistakes and never so it again, while on the other hand, a person who received his/ her lesson but still doing the same thing.

Now I am happy, I have my lessons in life, and I understand why things like this happened to me. The acceptance is my key, my regrets are my inspirations, my lesson are my goals and my main objective in life is to become a good mother and a woman.

We should never waste life, like killing ourselves, it will never solve problem. Life is like a math, In order to solve problem,you need the formula. Our formula is to understand life, let reality hits you, until you face regrets, blaming yourself, crying there's nothing wrong with going through the process, endure the pain and the lessons and who knows one day, your dark life will son get the light that it deserves.

Regret is in the end, but Everything happens for a reason. Our No and Yes in life are our choices, Acceptance is the key of our life.

Live comfortably and a happy life. Always thanks God for the problems ha gave to us, because He knows how strong you are and you can win the battle in life.

SALAMAT ❤️

An appology for not being here, I have my reasons, I am very occupied these days and I lost my appetite to write too. However I am now bring back to life to share to you my everyday thoughts.

Have a great day ahead!