"Regrets, I've had a Few"

Seems another weekend will be over and next week we are in the last week of June. Means MID- year almost past. I was just lying in my bed earlier, staring at the ceiling as I was trying to rest my eyes. As much as I wanted to have a verbal conversation I have none to talk to. If you guys still remember, I mentioned that from 14 occupants in our staff house we are down to three because of Pandemic. Well they decided to go home in their hometown as if there is one thing that this COVID made us realized, above all FAMILY matters. So just a week ago, one of my house mates also filed for indefinite leave. Meaning we are the only two left in the house. Sadly, my companion went home to her house in Cavite leaving me ALONE here since yesterday!

I almost fell asleep until the song of Frank Sinatra played ( it was my neighbor again). Anyone familiar with " MY WAY"? It was commonly sung in videoke before. The most dangerous singing piece as they say. It was even taken off in the playlist here in our country. Here is the link why.

While listening to the lyrics hit me " Regrets, I've had a few; But the again too few to mention. I did what I had to do. I saw it through without exemption".

REGRETS! Do I have regrets? At my age are there some decisions in the past that made me remorse.

Earlier I also read @Cleophia2 article about some of her regrets. Honestly it triggers my afternoon peace!

Looking back I know I had a lot of decisions in my life that I could say I didn't like consequences. Yet I had nothing to do but to move on as it was already done. Life has no REVERSAL just like in Accounting, lol! So I don't have a choice but to accept it. Though of all I had only two decisions in life which I could say if I had a time machine I would go back and have it REVERSED!

What is it?

CAREER.

As I had mentioned, it was my dream to be a member of the AFP ( Armed Forces of the Philippines). I know my strength and I am confident that I would excel as this is my passion. You might be wondering why I didn't pursue  it?

I actually had a chance before as I have mentioned I am an ROTC officer. I completed the course and I had two options. Apply for a candidate soldier ( lowest rank) or apply for POTC (Probationary Officer Training Course). Once passed and completed if called for active duty I am already commissioned as 2nd Lieutenants ( for two years). I know I had A chance if I did pursue as I know some people who will help me but I DID NOT for simply reason. I was madly in love and my BF won't let me. I, being a submissive GF, agreed to give up my dream.

Which I regret up to now sometimes as we did not end up together in the first place. So every time I see on Facebook some of my buddies, juniors and seniors in ROTC who are in active duty and already officers, I can't help but to feel regretful.

NOT MARRYING EARLY.

Opss, I am not saying in my teenage years but at least in my early twenties. Maybe 24 or 25 years old? I was talking the other night with my husband through a video call when he suddenly told me " Love, you know I really regret it. If only I could turn back the days. I should have impregnated you before while we are still in a BF and GF stage". I was like, WHAT?

We actually started our relationship way back in 2014 and it was 2015 when he decided to work abroad. Before that he's been bugging me that we should get married before he leaves. I was 25 at that time. He says he is afraid I might find someone while he is away. haha ganda ko?

Yet I turned down his proposal as I was not yet ready. Family reasons, I am still sending my sister to college and I promise my Mother that I won't get married not until my sister gets her license. I will be 28 at that time.

When my husband ended his contract we decided to get married. I was 28. It was in my goal plan to have a baby before I reached thirty. Two years is enough right? Yet I didn't expect that it was not that EASY! I was too naive to believe what I had read in romance novels that a woman could easily get pregnant even just one s3x! Oh common!

Now I am thirty two and I felt like running out of time sometimes. And those people who kept on telling me that I should have a baby or why we don't yet have a baby! Honestly they are just adding into my frustrations. Sometimes I wanna tell them how can I get pregnant if my husband is not here? If only we could do it online for sure we did, duh!!

So sometimes I can't help but to regret why I didn't marry early. Or perhaps have a baby outside marriage. But I am such a conservative type of woman. Though maybe sometimes you will find me naughty in some conversations, hehe. It is against my principles in life. I don't like the idea that my Bf will marry me just because I am pregnant with his child. It was supposed to be because he wanted to marry me.

It is just hubby and I didn't expect that we will be having a hard time conceiving a baby. Hayyyy, so what can I say? I couldn't do anything in the past.

Still we are thinking maybe it is not yet the perfect time. I always believe GOD has a perfect timing for everything. Not only that, things happened for a reason.

Like, I wasn't able to pursue my dream to be part of the military because I will be meeting my husband. Hehe, I met him at work .

As for the baby? Maybe we are not yet blessed because we still doesn't have a home. He just want our future baby to be safe and secured. Our house? It is almost done. We will proceed to wall painting by next month.

Who knows? Taiwan might be open for tourist next year. I will be having a chance to visit hubby and maybe our prayer's will be grant this time. Just one blessing at a time.

Hubby and I already have a checked up and undergo series of test. Results was we are both healthy and capable of having a baby. It is just, we aren't blessed yet.

With this thoughts, I am convinced that there is NONE to be regret after all. My reasons not to get marry was a good intention. At least I know my sister will be okay as she finished her studies. I was able to fulfill my promised to my Mother. Just like in the song of Mr. Frank, I did what I had to do and I did it MY way!

What about you? Do you have regrets?

05:13 PM

06/26/2022_Manila_Philippines.