Date: May 19, 2022 (Thursday)

Dear Diary,

It's heavy.

I guess the storage of my heart has been full already that it needs to be unloaded in someway. Everything seems so overwhelming that all I could absorb in my heart and even in my mind is how unfortunate I am in life.

Can you be my listener just for a moment?

Looking back, when I was still so young and innocent in this world, I once dreamt of living a peaceful life, just a simple one where I could embrace the happiness of being alive. Even if I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I still look forward on living so happy one day, that even if I am not rich, I could still live my life to the fullest.

I crafted my dreams in life. I have written the plans in my head on how I wanted my life to become. Back then, I was so excited to embrace the life of my dream. I can't wait to reach the summit and feel proud of what I will become when that day comes. Remembering those moments, I could feel how confident I was that I'll be able to achieve them. But life truly moves in mysterious ways that what I embark now, is something that I least expect for.

Needless to say, I continue to age, the dreams were stained with uncertainty and doubt. Am I still walking on the right path? What's even sadder is the thought that I could feel how my confidence has been shrinking and holding back whenever an opportunity knocks.

I feel inferior in life, really. To everything that I do, I feel like I am not good enough.

I never confess this feeling that I am carrying to anyone because I don't feel like it. But I do feel down most of the time after reflecting on my potential in life. Not to mention, I feel like I am not myself these days. It seems like life has been so hard that I can't even see life in a brighter lens.

My dreams in life is slowly fading and they are being replaced with questions and doubt for myself.

Can I share to you a secret?

My inferiority creeps in again in my mind as of the moment. With that, I feel like not doing anything. I don't feel like doing what I needed to do. I can't think of wonderful plans for my journey. All I could think of are the whispers of the enemy in my head telling me that I am like this and that, and with that I can't achieve more in life.

Feeling Inferior in my Workplace

I want to disclose this, but I guess I need to express this out in order for me to unload the heaviness in my heart.

In my workplace, I feel like I am not growing. I don't have the motivation to work further and to do more in the field. I feel inferior as well as I feel like I am not capable in doing more and I don't have the potential and even the skills to share. I am supposed to be happy as this was the job that I have been dreaming ever since I was studying. Howbeit, I don't know now. I just want to rest in our house and stay away from the toxicity that I have been receiving.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I am grateful for this job, but there's just a feeling of inferiority that I feel whenever in our workplace, and I guess that's that one thing that I still need to tweak about.

Feeling of Not Being Good Enough especially in Writing

Another thing that I need to unload in my heart is the thought that I feel like I'm not good enough especially in writing. Just so you know, I have tried my luck before in a certain blogging platform, but I feel like I'm not doing well there that I ceased my journey.

Even here in Read platform, I have this feeling that I am not good enough that becomes one of the reasons sometimes of me not coming up with something because I feel like my writings are not great either.

But good thing that whenever I feel like it, supportive people magically showed up and I'm grateful for that as the feeling vanished in someway though.

Feeling Inferior to Everything

To be honest, I don't know if what I am feeling right now is what I really feel or this is just due to my fluctuating hormones. I just feel sorry for myself for feeling this way. I can't do anything about it as sometimes, the inferiority eats me whole. I feel so inferior in almost everything in life.

Diary, I don't know if when will I get better again. I hope this feeling of mine will be vanished in someway. I hate it when my confidence shrink, but what can I do? But I'll still do my part on erasing this feeling in my heart.

Not to mention, my feeling as of the moment is quite light already, I appreciate the time you give just to listen to my thoughts. Perhaps, I will feel so much better soon. I hope this inferiority will be gone real soon. I'm still trying to figure things out.

Have you experienced feeling inferior in someway? What did you do to cope up in this kind of feeling?

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed are personal amd solely belong to the author.

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