@LeeLaEl 13 November 2022 more from that month

Random Thoughts

Hello avid readers👋 It's been so long since I share my thoughts so heres an update. I hope you still take time to read this. 😊 It is always so hard for me to sleep at night lately. My body's dead tired but my mind won't cooperate. Whenever I try to close my eyes, there so many things that comes to my mind. It's either things that happened already in the past, random things and thoughts like this that prevents me from sleeping. Well, I think already adapted this too lately. So to occupy myself, I played mobile games, read some stories on wattpad, scroll on facebook, IG or tiktok or watch some Kdramas. But tonight I don't feel like doing of those tonight. And I can't stare the dark ceiling for I don't know how many hours it takes. So I decided to write it down. Write these things that made me wide awake. I am hoping this will lessen my brain from overthinking too much. Actually, I don't even understand or know what to write. I just jot anything what comes in my mind. Like suddenly I wanna cry without knowing the reason why I get sad. It is really hard if you contradicts your brain sometimes, well mostly. Whenever I feel down like this, my heart wanna cries it out but my mind gives me to stop humiliating myself. Because if I let my emotion takes the best of me, then I'm doomed. It brings no good to me which will led me to regrets. How I wish I could have someone I can talk to heart to heart. Someone who will just listen and comfort me. Someone who will not judge me despite of my being incompetence, weak and loser. But then again, my real world is so lonely. My family's too far away from me to comfort me. Even my closest friend too. 😔

I don't understand myself because if I share this on someone whose beside me right now, he will just said I'm being so dramatic. So instead, I have to write what concerns me to free my mind even for a while right? I just realized its not normal to be happy because you need to. If you are happy, it's because you're happy. It's not good to be fake to yourself. Because ourself is our only companion in our battles in life. If others can speak theirselves through music, arts, dance then I will be choosing writing. I knew this piece is so bored and meaningless But thank you for reading it up till here. 😊 I know that each one of us has its own silent battles in life and I just wanna say that let just keep on going on and moving forward. Remember, after all of these storms there comes the rainbow that will remind us how beautiful life is. 🌈