Battling my mind for a week

Saturday rest day, it's the 29th day days of the month of January 2022. The first month is about to come end so fast. Be ready for the valentine's day. Do you have your Valentine?

Though, I look like I'm happy but I'm not. Yes I am? I think I am. But I'm not, I don't know which is which but one thing for sure. I'm battling my mind for a week. Just like every morning, I don't drink coffee or milk or any cereals drink. I even sometimes miss my breakfast. It's because every time I wake up. I feel bored, and tired all the time.

Sleep Deprivation

It's been a week when my insomnia started to attack again. I finish every chores of mine and lay in my bed at 9:00 pm. But I can't fall into sleep. My mind is getting out of this world. I'm just using my phone scrolling on social media. Feeling nothing at all, not even smiling or anything. I can't sleep, it's hard to fall asleep. I'm awake even Until 2:00 -3:00 am. And immediately wake up at 7:00 am or 8:00 am in only having 4-5 hours of sleep every night. Maybe this is the reason of everything, I don't really know. Having a bad sleeping routine makes me tardy most of the time.

Mental fight

I don't know what to call it. But I feel like, I'm having an excessive moodswing and I'm having an anger issue. Sometimes, I feel nothing, sometimes I feel happy but most of the time I'm sad and feel irritated. Because of this I feel like not talking to anyone around me. I used to be alone but not lonely but today I'm feeling both of them. I procastinate a lot especially when I start overthinking and stuffs. That's why I kept myself from being pre-occupied so that I won't start overthinking. People around me is being affected and I know its bad. I'm having a bad headache, I'm feeling weightless and my hands are shaking. I'm not depressed or anything, I don't think I am. Because I actually have no big problems in my life. Everything are just from my thinking. I kept on thinking stuffs and making problems that doesn't exist in the first place. I wanted to stop it but I can't.

I wanted to go to somewhere free, something I know no one. Like in the beach where I am alone just me and the beach one on one, all my thoughts will be washed like a water in the waves. I wanted to breath somewhere. I wanted to explore something new, talk with new people, but my body is stopping me to do so. I just wanted to escape for a little bit but I can't because my parents will worry about me. I don't wanted to tell it to anyone. I don't wanted to feel weak in their perspective. I am lazysnail, a man, a smart,strong, independent, cool man. I need to stay mt figure into all of their eyes.

Closing Thoughts

Hello hello there my fellow readers and writers Its me once again your lazy writer lazysnail, I'm sorry for this article is full of rants of Thoughts. This is the only place I could say freely of what I'm thinking, but like few days ago until yesterday I'm also hesitant to do it. That's why I put it in drafts yesterday but today I did it. I just say a part of what I'm thinking. That's all, I'm sorry and I hope you can manage your own fight!.