I'm a Ghost [RRFB]

A few months ago, I was experiencing mental overload. I tend to over-socialize even online. I responded to every message that popped in my notifications. Being interactive with other people is really tough for an introvert like me. I have to talk to people I don't know or barely know. I'm exhausted every time I have to mirror their energy. It's as if I'm draining and slowly melting away, like a candle.

I thought I just needed three or four days off, so I isolated myself and talked to no one but my lover, but I'm still tired even though I just woke up. Every day and night, I cry for no apparent cause. I felt like I was trapped in a box, making no progress, repeating my daily routine.

I'm not sure if this is just "Birthday Blues," as if I want to cancel my birthday this year. I deactivated my social media accounts and pretended to be invisible, not to attract attention, but the other way around.

My birthday came after months of being beaten down, and I got to spend it with people who actually remember my special day even though I didn't want to celebrate it. They prepared a feast for me. I felt very loved. I felt that I was important. That day brought me so much joy, especially when my lover got the best opportunity he prayed for.

By distancing myself from the virtual environment, I realized who will remember me when I'm no longer here. Who will look for me if I go missing? Who will continue to reach out and seek me out even if I am not responding or haven't seen them in a long time? I know now.

My depression ignited much more after my birthday. Everything seemed so black to me. They reached out and want to help me, but I don't know what my problem is. I isolated myself from everyone again. I hardly ever speak to them, even to my parents.

I got the opportunity to move out of our rented apartment a few weeks later, so I took it. I don't want to leave my friends in our apartment, who are like sisters to me, because I love them, but I have to, for my own peace of mind and so that I am no longer a burden to them. I felt at ease when I moved into a new home. Everything seems to be at peace. It's as if this is my own world away from everyone and everything.

Yes, I've turned myself into a ghost. I'm not going out with my friends as much as I used to. I'm going to bed early now. Recently, I rarely held my phone. I forgot about all the attention and spent most of my time with myself, assessing myself, getting to know her better, and healing what was broken inside with the help of God, and my supportive lover.

So that when the time comes, I may be as positive and at peace as before. I must admit that I'm growing in private; I've kept my small victories to myself since I believe that what people don't know can't be ruined.

Heyow!

I was feeling incredibly sleepy right now. The breakfast that Bub made and packed for me is amazingly relaxing (Thank you, bub!). Maybe it's time for some coffee now. By the way, if you've made it this far in my article, I'd like to thank you. This means a lot. Take care, you!