A reflection of the man I want my kids to meet one day.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a reflection of the man I want them to meet, if reaping and sowing really applies to me through my kids. Will I reap what I planted, and pay for the hearts mutilated by the bare hands of my adolescence?.
Sometimes I wonder if my kids will have the slightest clue that the person I will fight tooth and nail to make sure they stay away from has grown up to become the same man that brought them into this world and wakes them with hugs closer than the whispering lips on deaf ears.
Sometimes I wonder who will believe that a pure love was just a broken love from a place of darkness and it scares me every time that the mirror of myself was just a stain by sin.
Sometimes I wonder what greater things than my past will be known when I was a nobody in Christ, when I choose to keep myself caged up in silence in the confines of my luxury.
Sometimes I wonder when they stand to behold Christ will they learn more principles than I can ever teach them and will wonder if I was truly the reflection that represents the body of Christ.
Sometimes I wonder if their growth will be my demise, if they will hid to my advise and trust my words because I never really trusted anyone and look at where my life is now.
Sometimes I wonder if I will have the best moment of love that a father can give to his lovely son or daughter without dwelling on the past hunting me.
Sometimes I wonder will carrying my child feel like an answered prayer, will I stare with so much gleam and will I remember that day as being the best moments. Will I be free to look at the beauty presence in the eyes of my child and smile like I haven't done before with a calm spirit.
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Sometimes I wonder if my scars will be their scars and if my life will be theirs. I understand that whatsoever lives we lived our children takes the trait from us...will I have to deal with it just as I dealt with myself.
Sometimes I wonder if the struggles of this world will have its effects on my kids and make them wish they had never been born of me...
Sometimes I wonder how worse it will get if they turn their backs on me because I couldn't rescue them the way I got rescued from my sins, my unbelief, my addictions and my communications.
Sometimes I wonder of how many strikes I have before its game over, and how far I can go if I get to keep restarting the game to show how determined I can be with my kids progress.
Sometimes I wonder if they will love each other as siblings, and if the love I see in their eyes for each other will last untill the end, in my imagination I could see them play with each other.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll get laughed at because I was too impatient, because I was so desperate, because I couldn't answer all of their questions. Then I become a clown even to my own children, it's saddening and terrifying to be totally clueless of how to cater for your kids.
Sometimes I wonder I won't be there to fight for them always and to protect them, so I thought to myself 'are you the one to protect?"....God will always be there to do that, only if you can let him do his job.
I had this premonition, which led me to pour out my fears and feelings through writing...and hope it will all just be my mind playing tricks with me.
Thank you for your time.
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As soon as I stopped pursuing her was exactly when she stopped
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Bye for now
|31 July 2021|
I know, you will become a good father to your kids... please remember to let not your young/past self affect and control your present and future life...