Did you know the things that I hate about myself?... I hate myself when I am mad, I hate myself when I am angry.

I know myself, I know who I am, I know what my good and bad attitudes are... but even though I thought that I already know my whole self, there is a point in my life that makes me question it, that makes me ask myself... "Do I really know who I am? Do I really know what I am capable of?"

Some people said that a good person has a long string of patience but when they lose it? Expect the worse. I believe that this saying is true because I experienced being so mad to the point that I regretted it afterward. And I will tell you that it's not a good feeling to handle. It is like you are carrying something heavy on your shoulders as well as in your heart making your chest so tight.

When this thing happened to me, when I go back to my senses and tried to calm myself down by inhaling and exhaling repeatedly... I began to cry. My tears automatically flowed down into my eyes and a sob escaped from my lips. I think it is because of the mixed emotions that I am feeling at that moment. The anger, the sadness, the pain, and the feeling of regret mixed up making myself guilty for my actions.

I immediately went to my room. In that place I let myself think of my wrongdoings. I know that we both have a mistake, him for showing his bad attitude, and I for letting myself indulge in anger to the point that I hurt him... physically.

On that same day, I decided to do something and that is to avoid talking to him at all costs. I know that it is not the right decision to do but for me it is the rightful one. Prevention is better than cure right? It is better to prevent something before it happens and that's what I do.

I managed to control my anger after that incident but... I chose to cut my communication with my brother since then. We are talking, yes but it is rare. I hope that someday we find a way to be okay but for now? It is not yet possible. All the things will be fine soon, I strongly believe.

-- --

I closed the book that I am reading and decided to lay on my bed. In that book, I realized that being so mad can make me blind. Deep emotions can make us do something we believe we cannot do. With that, I fall asleep.

Article No. 40 ( November 18,2021)

Hello, guys good evening! I make this one to portray people who do something they didn't intend to do because of the deep emotions that they are feeling. It is a way for me to make us all aware that too much emotions can blind us.

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