This virus keeps poisoning me
How are you fam? I hope you are doing fine, and please be safe especially now that the Omnicron virus is spreading wildly. After the typhoon Odette, here goes the virus surge again. Whoo! When this world will be healed? Or this is the end? We are all to blame for the revenge of nature because we first hurt them and neglect the worth they can bring in the future.
*Sigh*
I can't think properly today. Lots of thoughts are running in my head, and I'm afraid that my anxiety is coming back again. It starts earlier in the morning when someone knocks on my door. I thought it's from the other room (neighbor's door) but I heard her call my name. Yes, her voice is she. I didn't get up and just listen to recognize her voice. At first, I thought it's my cousin, but she didn't call me Ate so that is not her. She called me again and thought it was my other cousin but she didn't know my house so it was not her again. She called me for the third time and I recognize her voice already. It's my classmate who lives on the 3rd floor of this building. I didn't open my door till she leaves. I don't know what she needs so early. Hays!
I told myself that I will restrict myself from people and yet they keep coming to me. I feel annoyed. Why they don't just leave me alone? And never contact me anymore! Huhuhu! Why I'm feeling like this? I feel so selfish. I don't want to see people. Please don't come to me.
Is it just me who feels this? Like every time they come to me, I feel they going to give me a burden. I don't want it, please. I have lots of it. Since my relatives said hurtful words to me last year I avoid everyone (except my boyfriend). They are asking a favor and when I didn't fulfill it 100%, all the blame is on me. They will say they will pay me so I should do it properly. Am like a helper to them, not their family. Gaaad! I don't want the money! I want your sensitivity!
I already cut communicating with them last August to have peace of mind and till now I didn't reach out to them. I didn't even greet them last Christmas and this New Year. I already forgive them but the trauma is still here.
This anxiety is like a virus that keeps poisoning my personality. I avoided other people who are good to me and I feel guilty about it. Please don't judge me Hope I surpassed this. *Sigh* Pray for me.
Thanks for your time to read my rants. It's really heavy. I can't help it. Sorry.
Let's connect to my other social (✿^‿^)
Hay nako, kapag usapang toxic relatives, nati-trigger talaga mga cells and tissues sa katawan ko eh. Haha, char~ pero seryoso, naol swerte sa kamag-anak hano, Ate?
Anyways, open lagi si TG ko kapag need mo ng ibang kausap hane? :)