Ruffa Help Me!

2 days ago I told myself that I'm going out of my comfort zone, that I will face my fear and connect with people who will help me to grow. I know it's going to be hard but I promise myself that there is no turning back.

I journaled the changes I want to accomplish and it's quite challenging since I am lazy to move. First I want to clean my apartment, as in general decluttering. Oftentimes I'm not in the mood to do anything because of my surroundings. I wanted to arranged them but I always end up stressing myself how will I get it done. Whews! Second I want to change my looks and lifestyle. Not to go on a surgery but have some skincare and get fit to glow up. Wiii! I used to take care myself before but since we've been lockdown here for almost 2 years I don't care to whatever my looks. Third is to find a job. Actually I recently updated my resume and I will pass it to random company that I saw online once I accumulate enough money for my expected expenses when I get a call from them. I don't want to ask money to my mom for my expenses anymore because I can manage it on my own. Fourth is to start interact and get socialize with others physically. I locked myself 24/7 in my room since pandemic started. I seldom to go outside only if I will buy food, if boyfriend visit me or my mom has an errand to send. I don't find it boring and I love the silence here.

I know going out in comfort zone is surely difficult. If I want to grow I need to move but I don't think I'm ready enough to take the changes. (Sigh)

Earlier this afternoon, I went to remittance center to cash-in money in my E-wallet but they said GCASH was offline and the security told me to get back later. I was annoyed because I don't want to go outside once I get home.

I don't have a choice so I walk back home when suddenly someone shouts in familiar voice "Bebeeeee!" I stopped because I knew the owner of that voice. It's her. My classmate who also live in the building where my apartment located. We are neighbors but we don't see each other because her unit is on the 3rd floor while I, on the 1st floor.

"Bebe I miss you! Hindi ka nagpapakita sakin a. You're hiding from me." Then she hugged me. I was so shocked and ashamed because I haven't taken a bath yet. I'm afraid if she smelled how stinky I am. Huhu. I wanted to run but she was holding me tight. I responded "I'm just busy, hehe"

When she released me I asked where she will go, she said she went to the nail salon while pointing her nails in foot. They are beautiful while mine was dry and long. Gaaaad!

I saw in her eyes that she is very happy to see me and said "I miss you so much! You don't response to all my messages in Facebook messenger. You don't even visit in my room. You're door is always locked and I hear nothing everytime I knocked. Give me your number instead, I will call you! I will go to your room tomorrow."

I wanted to cry not because I was touched that she missed me but because I don't want to accept visitor. I feel intimated to her. She is very neat, organized and knows what she wants in life while me still unsure if I want to keep going.

Lead Image edited in Canva

@Ruffa help me! My minds says. I suddenly think of her when I was in that situation. I know Ruffa also have this anxious feeling when getting around with people but I really wish that time that she will come and grab my hand to help me escape. Lol. I know she would definitely understand this feeling as she also have to face this when her friend comes back and wanted to see her.

It's so hard to refuse especially when that person was kind to you. Even I'm hesitant to give my number, I still did. Hays! Now I feel stress thinking what will I do tomorrow when she come. I know my friend won't insult me it's just that I'm not confident with my looks and what I can offer. Should I make an alibi now?

(Sigh)

Wish me luck!